Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

I'm not summarily dismissing, Puppy. I really am looking for discussion/understanding on it because it is something I am struggling with. I really am trying to get clarity on what is the "right" thing to do (not from a "strategic" perspective either, but from a relationship perspective)???

Before I GROSSLY neglected her AND cheated on her -- she tells me she's had enough neglect (and is hurt from the EA) and has had enough. Where we are now is she says she needs more time and space to heal "her way" and separate from me. She is not cheating on me, she is not mentioning divorce, and there has been some warming betwen us. Now, SHE comes to ME looking for help.

1) I hear from one group of people that I should not respond to/"rescue" her. That why would I want to lower myself to helping someone/accepting scraps from someone that is leaving me. That I am not challenging HER to work on the relationship.

2) I hear from another set of people in these threads that LRT/being non-responsive may be a bad idea when neglect has been a driving force in the separation and that the appropriate 180 then is to be responsive. Wouldn't not being helpful when she asks for my help be neglecting her? Especially when I would provide the same help to a non-spouse?

I know this dilemma is not unique to my situation. The same dynamic/potential conflict I've seen in many other sich's on here (pinhead, john, dsh, others I'm sure). I'm sure further discussion of it would help not only me, but others.