That's a great thing that you had to do that. I think everyone should. Just venting tonight:
First, H gives me crap for giving him "such short notice" about the parenting coach appt tomorrow (I emailed him Sat). I said- "you said you didn't want to go, so I didn't think I needed to consult with you before making the appt. But I wanted to give you a chance to go anyway. Do you want to go?" H: "No, but that's not the point. The point is that you didn't give me enough notice." Me: "For what? You said you don't want to go. If you'd like to go to the future meetings, let me know now and I'll check with you on your schedule before making appts." H: "I don't want to go, but that's not the point...." And on, and on.... WTF. This is so typical H- makes an argument out of something he doesn't care about to prove either that I'm selfish, controlling, don't consider his feelings, or all of the above.
THEN, he wants to talk about $. I've been trying to talk to him for a month about it, and all he does is send me emails complaining that he's paying for everything and I can't continue to mooch off of him (not true, whatever). He wants to know what ideas I have for HIS money woes- the house, the insurance, the bills, the mortgage, he can't pay it all AND pay for his new car. Didn't I have any options for him? Excuse me, why is this my problem?? I said, as usual "just take your half of the insurance money and use it." No, he wants to borrow money from ME, as we used to do in our marriage. WTF. I said, no, I don't have the money to loan you, take it out of your insurance half.
Then he says he's not willing to meet with Finance Guy, per our agreement, to talk about the [settling our house and paying me some $]. He doesn't "feel comfortable" paying me a chunk of $ when his finances are haywire and he may have to fork over money to finish re-building the house. I pointed out that he wanted this D and got a litany of "you think I want this? I don't want this. I never said I wanted a divorce, I don't want to be doing this at all!" Uh, what?? I had to remind him that saying "I don't want to be married to you anymore and I am moving back to our house alone" is essentially the same thing as saying you want a D (which he DID say). He said "would you give me a chunk of $ if you were in my shoes?" And I said "If I wanted to D you so badly I'd make damn sure I THOUGHT about all of this ahead of time and yes, was organized and took care of these details." Then he asked why I wanted to hurry all this along... I just want some closure, you know?
A few months ago, comments like that would've given me hope for us. Now, there's a tiny spark of regret/sadness that he says that b/c I think he's still conflicted, but I also know a good part of why he's saying that is because he doesn't want to be dealing with all the fallout and hard work caused by him announcing he wanted a D. That is what's causing him pain. Which is sad in itself- I don't think he's mourning the M, he's upset about all the work he has to do now to dissolve it...
In any case, I'm going to the divorce coach/parenting specialist alone tomorrow. hopefully I get some good advice, she is not cheap!
