I am in the same boat. I had an EA and was almost a WAS two years ago where I told my W that LYBNILWY. We reconciled I thought but my W internalized the pain until blowing up July 4th and leaving. I have had no communication from her since.
Like me you are on this site for advice and recommendation and not for a pity party. I know now the pain that I caused my W and realize that I dug my own hole and it will be up to me to dig out. There are some really good people here that have sound advice.
the first thing is to and it has been stated here already is to understand why the A happened. My personal demon is that I have low self esteem so I sought the attention from OW. It also is a root cause for my controlling issues. I am working with an IC to flush out that demaon and others that I may not be aware of.
I also joined a gym and have lost quite a few unwanted pounds, which gives me a goal to achieve as well as helping with my self esteem. As you read the posts you will learn that you have to do things for you. I think they call it GAL.
Because my W internailzed the EA I have never really apologized to her. The vets recommend that I provide full disclosure and apologize to her. I will do this with a letter since I do not know her new phone number. After the letter I will probably do the LRT.
I have read so many posts that I realize the only person that we can control is oursleves. We have to let our W come to us. If I am wrong with this suggestion I hope one of the vets corrects me. So using the LRT I will go dark and allow my W to sort out her feelings by herslef and when the time comes she will contact me. I realize that with children that this may be difficult so I suggest reading as many posts as possible and heeding the advice of the vets
