H called back, is getting DS at noon. He asked if he could pick up DS the Wednesday after we get back instead of that Tuesday because he didn't want to have to drive to my mother's. I pointed out that Wednesday was the first day of school and my niece will probably be watching DS so he won't have to go that extra 10 minutes distance to my mother's. He said that he will pick up DS on Tuesday then, and asked what time DS started school on Wednesday. I told him school starts at 9 but I have to drop him off at quarter to eight. H exclaimed that was early and I said yes it was, and that I had wanted to talk to him about that.
I told him I want to get DS on a set bedtime routine, ideally in bed for 8 so we need to start meeting earlier, like around 7. H said that would mean he gets less time with DS and that's not fair to him. He asked if he would get DS on the weekends to make up for losing time during the week, I asked if he meant on his weekends. He said that getting him a for a few extra hours on his weekend would not make up for missing all that time with him during the week so I should start picking DS up at his place so he gets that extra half hour with him. I said no, that he could always do like most people I know and drive DS all the way home instead of meeting. He said that just because people I know do all the driving doesn't mean that's how it is in NYS and he doesn't know anyone who does all the driving. I pointed out that he chose to move so far away and he should have known when he moved that it would lead to more driving. He retorted that I chose to stay where I am and it's not a good school district. I responded that as a school district it has improved, and I don't know yet what I'm going to do regarding next school year. I said that DS is going to have homework now, is H going to work with him on that? H said of course he is, and I pointed out that DS will most likely want to play video games. H asked if I ever let DS play video games and I said of course, when he asks but that is hardly ever. H said it's probably because I make him play by himself. I said no, that I do play with DS but he prefers the games H lets him play, Halo and Crackdown.
I said that while ideally DS would get home in time to go to bed for 8:00 it wasn't fair to meet at 7:30 and expect him to come home and go straight to bed so I was willing to compromise and put DS to bed at 8:30. I pointed out that it's only a half hour difference than what we normally meet at now. H said he'd think about it and let me know.
If H gives me a hard time I guess it's back to family court we go. And if we go back to court I might as well pursue all the money he owes me for DS's out of pocket medical and childcare expenses. Why can't he see past his own selfish wants and see what is best for DS? And going to bed late is not good for him, nor is not paying me back for the expenses incurred causing me to be tight on money and not be able to afford to go school shopping and such until after vacation. I had this vacation planned for months, was anticipating H paying me back long before now and instead I got screwed. H is holding the money hostage until I give him what he wants, which is a divorce. That's blackmail.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Forgot to mention that when DS was on the phone with H he told him that since H doesn't want to be my husband it also means he doesn't want to be DS's father. I promptly put a stop to that, told DS that his father's choice to not be my husband had nothing to do with being his father, that he still loves and wants DS.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Officially in the dark zone. My sister was at the mall where H and I meet so she offered to pick up DS since she was already there. I texted H to let him know and he never responded despite me asking him to let me know he got the message. So I'm not going to text him, call him or e-mail him until we get home Friday afternoon.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I would try to restrict all contact to just logistical stuff about your son. And keep that at a minimum. Not to try and entice your H to reconnect, but more to protect yourself. You need time and space to find the real Mystik.
In the middle of my vacation right now, H is very often on my mind. Our first day here DS said he needed to call his Daddy when he got to the ocean so he tried, but the reception stinks and the call didn't connect. So later that night H texted to ask if DS was still up, I had DS call him. They talked a bit, DS tried to get H to talk to me but we both declined so he ended the call. I explained to DS that right now I don't need to talk to Daddy so please don't try to have me talk to him on the phone, if I need to talk to Daddy I would call him myself and DS was fine with that. H has not been mentioned by me or DS since Monday evening. It is now Wednesday evening.
Had a dream about H last night. We were in a hotel room, apparently we were having an affair. He was wearing a dress shirt covered in dots and a hideous yellow pinstriped tie. He told me that his marriage was no fun, that she had hundreds of affairs on him in the two weeks prior and he wanted to end it. I knew he was talking about Whore, and that he was saying he wanted to leave her to return to me. Then I woke up.
Thoughts on H in the next post.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I am missing H dreadfully. Everything I do on this vacation, I am sad that H is not here to share it with DS and I. I'm sad that he is missing out on seeing the joy on DS's face when the ocean waves splash him, hearing the shrieks of laughter when DS jumps around in the waves. We'll be walking along the main strip and I'll think "This would drive H crazy, he would not like to just wander around like this", or I'll be in a restaurant and find myself wondering what H would have ordered. I often catch myself wondering what H is doing at that moment in time. This going dark thing is darn difficult.
I just feel so sure that H will return to me, it's just a matter of patience. I'm sure that doesn't help with the letting go part of the process.
Still no resolution in the file or not file divorce decision. Right now I am leaning towards not filing. But I know it's stupid of me to hold on so tightly to someone who obviously wants to be let go. But if I file then I'm giving in to his demands once more, once again bending to his will. This is not easy to figure out.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I am missing H dreadfully. Everything I do on this vacation, I am sad that H is not here to share it with DS and I. I'm sad that he is missing out on seeing the joy on DS's face when the ocean waves splash him, hearing the shrieks of laughter when DS jumps around in the waves. We'll be walking along the main strip and I'll think "This would drive H crazy, he would not like to just wander around like this", or I'll be in a restaurant and find myself wondering what H would have ordered. I often catch myself wondering what H is doing at that moment in time. This going dark thing is darn difficult.
I just feel so sure that H will return to me, it's just a matter of patience. I'm sure that doesn't help with the letting go part of the process.
Still no resolution in the file or not file divorce decision. Right now I am leaning towards not filing. But I know it's stupid of me to hold on so tightly to someone who obviously wants to be let go. But if I file then I'm giving in to his demands once more, once again bending to his will. This is not easy to figure out.
Hello Mystic,
It is very difficult, but in the end you are doing it for yourself TOO. Don't forget YOU. Just focus on you and your kids and TRY to think about other things while YOU have fun. I wish you the best.
