In case you do get the chance to discuss this again with your wife, I thought I would mention some of the things that would bug me and make me think that you were not taking full responsibility for what you did with OW.
After 15 years of marital conflict over needs for affection and lovemaking (me high/her low)including a prior year+ seperation, a woman at work began making a play for me.
So you knew that you were already perhaps more vulnerable to the attentions of another woman. That is a sign to be extra cautious, not less, and make extra efforts to improve your marriage.
But soon the phone calls turned personal. Coffee dates turned to lunch breaks, to drinks after work. She called me, emailed me constantly, told me how wonderful/attractive I was and eventually made it plain what she wanted.
So even when it became clear that this was more than innocent flirting, you kept talking with her and having drinks, instead of putting a stop to it immediately. The moment you find yourself doing something you wouldn't do if your spouse was there, you've crossed the line.
But she would persist and the pattern would continue.
See, this is where you sound like you were the helpless victim of the OW. Doesn't matter how persistent she was, an affair can't happen without your participation. If you had 'persisted' in saying 'no' personal calls, no drinks, etc. she would have stopped trying.
I soon realized I couldn't do it and said it was over. She finally seemed to be in agreement.
You didn't need her 'agreement' for it to be over. 'Over' is something you decide for yourself.
I initially denied everything ("we are just friends and professional colleagues") but eventually admitted to becoming emotionally involved and the makeout session.
Why did you eventually admit to this?
If I were your wife, I would not consider returning to you unless you took full responsibility for your failure to set boundaries with this woman from the git-go with no hint of attempting to transfer responsibility for your actions to OW.
I hope this might help if you get a chance. Good luck.
