I was fortunate enough that the OW my H was in a PA with was not about to do battle with me...pretty much when I confronted her she backed down and realized that life with my H would never be uncomplicated if she stayed with him...it fizzled out eventually...I guess she was in the picture for about a year or so...anyway...H had EA with a few women several years before the big bomb where he left me...there was one that was particularly persistant to keep in touch with my H...long story short she finally drifted off too...
Moral of the story is that the OW will tire quickly if she is not the center of the universe...that is the type that they are...they feel empowered to know a man is leaving everything dear to him for HER...so if he looks back, shows interest in his family at all...well, yeah! she is going to feel very insecure and start behaving desperately...
So what do you do? Nothing...just get on with your own life...empower yourself with your children and friends...work on what you need to feel like the best person you can be...
I can tell you the reason you are still love the "SOB"...it is because what you feel is TRUE love...the kind that "endures all things"...it is not JUST romantic love...it is long-lasting and in the proper environment...it is FOREVER!
You don't just "unlove" someone because they are hurting you and they are doing things that you may never have imagined...it just doesn't work like that...but, it doesn't mean that you stop living and growing personally...NO, this is the time that you can excell in that personal growth!
Family is important to you...and no matter what happens your FAMILY will know that...and that is the best gift you can give them...
H may come around...and he may not...but it will take a long time before you know...it can't be rushed...he needs to do his own soul searching...right now he is self medicating with OW and alcohol...and who knows what else...he is doing this because he is not happy...and if you had really been the source of his unhappiness he wouldn't need to be self-medicating, now would he? This is proof that his unhappiness is inside him...not in you...so hold your head high...he is proving over and over that you were not the source of his unhappiness...
I know we all share some portion in what happened in the marriage but NONE of us deserved how our spouses chose to deal with those problems...
My lil' tidbit for the day to you Punkin...hoping that this will help you ease some of your own guilt and move a few more steps forward...
