They're men D4ML, and they are woefully inept at figuring out this stuff. They don't want to leave us--but they don't know how to make it better either.
i don't know if i believe that he doesn't want to leave me but i believe that he doesn't know how to make it better. he said we tried and we couldn't make it to work.
i know we all say to not believe 100% of what they say and only 50% of what they do.
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He has had a lot of time to think he may have made a mistake. I promise you, along with missing you, he has wondered if he has made a mistake.
sometimes i don't know about this. he's in constant contact with his parents and what i've seen so far, it sounds like their influence on his decision is stronger than his own. it's almost frightening to see him as the puppet and his parents as the puppetmaster. it's like he lost his backbone due to fear that his parents will disown him or die.
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Men don't go to friends in the way that we do, they don't like counseling, they don't have internet friends to help them.
this is true so far. he's shut out all of his friends. even friends from high school or college .. and those he call his 'best friends', do not call him. they might call once a year or so but that's about it. they have families they have to look after so their priorities have shifted and rightfully so.
he refused counselling but he did a bit of individual counselling for a while. i don't think he does that anymore.
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You have some very predictible things going on in your sitch--people who have been here long enough "see" that there is hope--that a few well-rehearsed conversations, with no anger and no bitterness and no "look", would probably turn everything around.
the "look", huh?
i think my h hasn't grown up yet. i don't know if he ever will. it's funny, i never thought about posting in the MLC forum. nor have i trolling the threads on that forum.
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Your H is not a bad, evil, horrible, jerk. He is a scared guy. They act like this and worse when they are scared.
i had a feeling my h was scared when i told him that i wanted to go to the fertility clinic to get myself checked out. he wasn't scared for my health. he was scared that i was going to force a pregnancy to happen. and so he started spewing stuff. it was amusing and i thought it was sweet. the words he said hurt but i was compassionate because he said those things out of fear. and i understand that.
