Originally Posted By: Gardener
You didn't want him to come! Period. Petty? No. Childish? No. You wanted to paint -alone - and that's what you did! Brava!

grin Thank you Gardener! I guess I'd been second-guessing myself once he kept 'asking' about it; worrying that he'd then feel rejected and that I was causing distance. But then I'd swing back to being irritated about how little he compromises with me about these things. Then finally I realized all I wanted to do was paint anyways! So I really wanted to go alone!

I also realized how tired I am of chasing him! I think I'll just chase my goals for a while instead. Not with the intention of just turning the tables in hopes that he'll start chasing me. Rather, because (like Time was trying to get me to understand) there's a future for me out there, probably with some pretty good things for me in it. If I keep focusing on him, how on earth can I see it?

Don't get me wrong; I won't start pushing him away. That's just the equally unproductive flip side of that pursue/distance thing we've got going. I'm just going to think about what I want and where I'm going, first for a while. Thanks again, Gardener, I appreciate your comments. It was, really, a truly wonderful day. Still glowing from it. smile

PS - note for Time: All day yesterday, if I'd feel a negative thought about H or sitch creep in, I just shoved it out of the way and thought instead about all the positive things I can do with my future; and made plans for something enjoyable I can do this week. It was very effective! It's much harder to dwell on the negative when you've got something fun and positive that you're planning for the future. Thanks again. smile

I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.