Newer Game- Moving Forward

[CD Bear]

Great post, Steady.
You picked a great DB name because I can always count on you to show me "the straight line"

Thanks for the refresher on your earlier post. It also led me to look at my own back then. Lost my way.

Here is what jumped out at me when I re-read this morning. These are things I can ACT on.

Search your heart and figure this out. Why do you want her back?

And you also have most of the answer...

You are still defining yourself based on the approval of others - specifically her. If she comes back she will validate you as being good.
You are aiming for self validation regardless of the opinions of others. When you reach that point you won't have the above question anymore.

My question for myself is "Why do I believe that the opinion of others is more accurate and 'correct' than my own? Why have I placed her opinion/acceptance/value of me above my own? Why don't I trust or value my own opinion of my value?"

Is it this/- "This person loves me. They see the true worth of me. Therefore,if I fail in their eyes and/or they love me less, my value/worth is lower"

Is it her pattern? Was it the pattern which brought her to you?

Yes, it was. (Still is,apparently.) Her ex-fiance (they had bought a house together and she had a wedding dress already) became controlling and verbally abusive as his alcohol pattern increased. She had broken off the engagement. They also had a non-physical R by that time. She swears it was never P at all. Odd for a PT/WOA person to be in that R, eh?
So yeah I got her right out of a bad R. In fact, she moved right in with me before she was even "moved out" of there. When he chased her down the freeway with his car was the deal breaker. She drove straight to my place. We've been together since then.

now we have something to work on about you. Is this your pattern? If it is then why do you pick women who will ultimately abandon you for someone else? What pattern did you learn which you are now reliving over and over again.

Seems to be at 4/4. I haven't seen a pattern "about them' that I'm selecting 'bad women'. W is the only one who has this pattern built in.
All I could think of is I learned by watching my dad.
My 'impression' of his behaviour towards my mom was one of limited physical expression of love(they have 6 kids!-I was NOT like that before WE had kids); he was always doing stuff on the house or running kids to activities or at work (always home for dinner!); all of which I thought was normal dad/good husband stuff. "A worker bee"
But what I notice NOW as an adult is more of a 'taken for granted' and 'isolated' behavior. At this point in their lives they are two separate people (which is good, I think-unlike me that gave up MY activities) but I don't see any "happiness", especially from him. And I don't recall much from himback then either. He was ALWAYS doing something "for us"
There must be something in here that I learned.

I still believe that my issue is more about "something about my dad's bhvr and/or how it related to my mom' and my issue of valuing others' opinion of me/my worth OVER my own opininion. And specifically the women that I get into R's with.
As you know, this reeks of NMMNG.

Thanks again, Steady.

I'm narrowing/defining my issues.

I'm getting past the "what was my 50% of the state of the M" and into the "Ok, so WHY did I do these things?"