A man in full

[Truegritter]

When is "standing" really cover for trying to rescue spouses from themselves and the consequences of their choices?

When is "standing" simply a refusal to look forward?

This has to do with individuals choices.

As I have said what we work on here is focusing on the individual their growth, their healing process.

That is essential to the process of saving the M.

That IMO has to start with making a choice to stand for your M.

I have said this already in this thread.

I won't go through it again.

For a time it may appear to someone who has not made that choice or has not gone through this process

That standing may appear to be "rescuing spouses" or "a refusal to look forward"

This is where people get stuck.

Some may even call them doormats.

You do not cease to be a doormat simply by running away from that feeling or perception.

You cease to be a doormat when you find who you are and understand what Love means to you, what a M means to you,

and make choices

That align with your core.

That erradicate self doubt

That are based on courage not fear.

That have honor and not compromise.

The work we do here never accepts a person who is "rescuing a spouse" as success nor not moving forward as success.

We also do not accept an early exit form this process as success.

And that is the difference Time.

You have to experience the pain to give it over to a new understanding.

There is no shortcut to that.

That is the biggest problem I have with the other boards is the pervasive attitude that well

I tried all these tactics and it didn't work so I am just going to run away.

You are moving on ...

But you will meet yourself again down the road.

There is the fork in the road.

Most people choose the easy exit because they can blame their spouse for the demise of their M.

or their spouse is not reciprocating or complying with their desires.

They also confirm those feelings of self doubt that came out of this process.

I do believe in the concept of a paradox here because there comes a day when you realize

That love is not what you get from someone it is what you choose to give.

And those may just be words to you Time. And I understand how they can be just that

But I have come to that knowledge through a trial of everything that I would not allow to break me.

Today I stand for myself. I love for myself. I stand for M because it is what I believe.

I do these things regardless of what my W chooses and my success is defined by me.

And no one is going to tell me when it is time not to do that.

My life is not a democracy. It is not open for debate.

My growth, my choices, my fears are my concern.

My actions stand for who I am.