Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Annnd.... I just found out she saw an attorney 7 days before she moved out.

She told me she didn't want to get lawyers involved.

The charge is only for $210 - so I assume it was just a consultation.

Still, I AM PISSED she lied to me about this. She kept saying how she didn't want to get lawyers involved.

I need to stop being pissed, and just calm down. I am really just disappointed in her. She lied to me about this - obviously just another lie she's told me.

But I am very disappointed. Not sure what to do now. I can't blame her really for doing it since she needed to know her rights, but still - she lied to me.

That's low.

[Lotus]

Yep, she lied to you. Cheaters lie. They all do it. Are you still sure the affair is over? You've done a lot of blaming yourself. But if you are too quick to forgive the things she's done, she won't regret it enough. There's plenty of time to forgive her after she apologizes for things. Don't rush into letting her off the hook.

[dsh4320]

John,

The kids oh the kids, when they are with the W, they dont want to talk to me, when they are with me they dont want to talk to W. I have a 5 and 3 year old. They are confused but dont what really is happening. My C told me that kids really dont have concrete answers in their heads until they are 7 years old or later. I think your S is mirroring your emotions from you. You need to be a A ROCK for your S, and you are being sorry to say "me;ty man" in front of him. All it will do is bring you down.

Kids when they are old enough will play the parents against each other, I dont know this from my own experience but what I have read with other people in similar situations with older children. I feel your Son is projecting these comments because of how emotional you are around him? I am very careful about what I say around my kids???? this is a hint to you, take it or leave it. IF your S goes back to your W with just the slightest comment of Daddy is crying about you not being here, she knows she is still controlling you and the situation. Again I dont get harsh unless I see something that is out of whack!!!

My kids tell me all the time thye want me to come home with them. I tell them Mommy and I are not being nice to each other right now so we are taking time apart. We both love you and everything will be ok. I feel you are on the path to get your S involved in the middle of this mess you are in with your W. Dont do it, it will be the most devastating thing to him. He is innocent, if you guys work things out great, but you have to take the lead and be strong for him. lead be the father you need to be. If she ends up in another realationship you are his father, his dad, his rock dont get to the point of being a 2nd choice to him. I will never be a 2nd choice to my kids, I am their father, what ever happens in my sitch, she will do what she will, but my children will not be raised under the false guidance of a stepfather, I will not let that happen.

Maybe i am jumping the gun. but part of letting go, is seeing things through that are not getting back together. YOu need to think about both paths and have the same goals and interests for your children no matter what path you end up on.

[dsh4320]

As far as the L's I as well as my post said, I was blindsided with D papers, I had no idea it was that far along. as far as Lotus disagress with this, I think Retro is a bad Idea, from what I have read its for 2 people working on the M, not someone who is talking to a L for advice.

I think my W filed and talked to a L, and the L according to her "side" of this is probably pushing her to D. I cant do anything about it, I right now I wont. I will not contest the D, I will tell the judge this is what "she " wants I will not try to stop it. I will tell my side to tjhe judge and let the judge decide.

I know how the court works, judges know how L's work, unless there is a reason for the judge to protect the kids, he or she will se through the BS, lawyers always play the victim card, it is what it is, but if you dont fight it, concentrate on the kids, not money the judge will respect you, its a given.

[john28]

Well, this sh*t just gets better and better. It's like I'm living on a daytime soap opera.

Last night after I found out she went and visited a L, I was steaming. I called her and asked her about plans tomorrow for pickup/droppoff, and in a very serious tone I asked her, "I will only ask this once. Have you visited with a lawyer?"

She said, "No."

Big f*cking liar.

She then turned into some kind of monster on the phone, saying stuff like, "You're trying to control someone who doesn't want to be with you even after they LEAVE you and I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, you're manipulative and controlling. Why don't you talk about your insecurities with MC next Tuesday you have an appointment. Oh and I made a mediation appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday at 3:45pm. So if you've got an issue, go get a tissue... oh ahah I rhymed. I'm going to hang up now, you need anything else?"

Uhhh. That's not mediation. That's a lawyer. Not a mediator. She has NO idea what the hell she is doing.

That was just cruel. Really mean. She's really started to rear the ugly head lately, and this is not who she is. Really, it's not. I can't tell if she had been drinking (she rarely drinks) but I think so. That's the only time she gets like that.


ANYWAYS... I got a call back at 6:00am this morning from her. What the...

W: "Hey... sorry to call so early, but, umm, I'm in the hospital."
M: "WHAT??!?! What is going on!!!"
W: "I have kidney stones. They already ran the test and I have them."
M: "Well, can I do anything?"
W: "I don't know."

Eventually, I drove to the hospital and picked her up from the Emergency Room. Got her and went to pharmacy. Sneeked a peek at her phone while getting Rx filled - nothing suspicious at all which confirms what she's said and I know. So far, no OM. She wouldn't be hiding crap on her phone with her out of the house.

So, she's here back at my house in our bed asleep (which I haven't slept in since she left). This sh*t just keeps getting better.

I know you all may think that I just got manipulated again by getting her from the hospital, but good God, am I supposed to cut her off when she's in a medical emergency? That seems just plain wrong. I'm just going to let her stay until she's somewhat able to drive to her house, then send her packing.

For her, I just think the kidney stones are karma.

[Steve McQueen]

"You're trying to control someone who doesn't want to be with you even after they LEAVE you and I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, you're manipulative and controlling. Why don't you talk about your insecurities with MC next Tuesday you have an appointment. Oh and I made a mediation appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday at 3:45pm. So if you've got an issue, go get a tissue... oh ahah I rhymed. I'm going to hang up now, you need anything else?"

could not have said it better myself! are you listening?

Annnd.... I just found out she saw an attorney 7 days before she moved out.

haven't people been telling you for over 7 days to get yourself a lawyer? do you and your wife like playing games of one-up eachother or is she just smarter? it is a divorce! you get lawyers. guess what divorce lawyers are for? divorces. duh. haven't your richie parents told you that yet?

I know you all may think that I just got manipulated again by getting her from the hospital, but good God, am I supposed to cut her off when she's in a medical emergency? That seems just plain wrong. I'm just going to let her stay until she's somewhat able to drive to her house, then send her packing.

you are too funny. manipulated? maybe. a marionette for sure.

[TimeHeals]

Asking how her day went is pursuing.

If she tells you how her day went, and you listen, that is not pursuing.

I think you need to be sensitive to how it can be viewed by somebody who is thinking of leaving a relationship.

Why is he asking what I am doing all the time?

Stop waiting for her to give you clues how to act.

Get a lawyer, make contingency plans for you and your kids, do stuff to improve John so John feels good about John.

I just started reading "The Time Paradox" by Phillip Zimbardo. Seems pretty good so far. I have to take my dogs on their 2 mile walk this morning (late for that). I need to hire some painters this week to paint my outside trim and shutters, and I need to get some wood dough and shell white paint to repair dog-induced dammage to some moldings in my house. Work is picking up.

I am 70% toward my goal weight, and I am getting stronger because I work out most days. Thinking about taking a day off for "United Way Day of Caring" to go feed homeless people (plus my company likes it when you do volunteer work representing the company). Dogs need a bath, and then more frontline.

I saw this group on meetup that meets every Wednessday at a different restaurant, and that sounds kind of cool. Might try that.

On and on and on.

[Lotus]

I guess it's also controlling and manipulating to pick her up at the hospital, take her to the pharmacy and bring her home and put her to bed. You do display a lot of really ugly character flaws. Well, perhaps your next wife will be an appreciative person. You have a lot to look forward to.

[TimeHeals]

I guess it's also controlling and manipulating to pick her up at the hospital, take her to the pharmacy and bring her home and put her to bed.

LOL. Yep. Because he won't "let her go" If he just does everything she wants when she wants and how she wants, he won't be controlling <wink>.

[dsh4320]

I spent all that time writing what I did at 3 in the morning. and I dont think J28 even read it. I cant believe he called her last night because of the L, this boy is so attached its not even funny anymore.