Since I did this twice already, I am going to have to be brief because I don't have the time.
When I got home last night, W was dividing stuff up. Said I should take a look. Told her I didn't need to that whatever she had was fine.
Went to balance out my bank account and she stands behind me so I ask, "What do you want? What are you doing?" She says, "Just trying to see what you are looking at." I'm guessing she saw my balance, but she doesn't know what is outstanding or due either.
Went to the basement to break-down the stereo/tv/surround system that we just finished putting in. Broke my heart. I have done so much work inthat beautiful basement I had to sit down and cry a bit about leaving it behind. Kids came down and separated toys into piles for Dad's house, Mom's house and charity. They chhered me up a bit.
Went back upstairs and bickered a bit over glasses and major utensils. Not a big deal for me. Wanted to quit, but she said she could keep going even though she was tired, because it wouldn't get any better for her since she isn't sleeping hardly at all.
When we finished-up, she went to find a cigarette and noticed her wallet was out of her purse. She asked me half jokingly if I was trying to steal her money and then made a big deal about having only $25 in the bank. I asked if she had gotten the support money that was garnished from my salary last Friday yet and she said no. I told her that was unfortunate because I could have written her a check myself and she wouldn't have had to wait. I considered giving her some $, but decided against it. I figure that I have to let her deal with this situation that she has gotten us into, right?
She says this is all about the money for me and I tell her that I am just trying to figure out all of the scenarios so that we can make the right decisions about our SAPARATE futures. That I don't want either of us to end up financially devastated because se are over-extended. I do think this houseing situation is going to kill us though. She says she is also worried, but that she has seen her Mom survive it and just assumes everything will be ok and she will survive somehow. How naieve can you be?
Just got this e-mail from W and I thought it was pretty funny, so I will share it.
Forgot to tell you something kind of funny D said yesterday. She was begging about P.F. Changs and I told her to ask you if you wanted to take them sometime. She said o.k. and then said, "Yeah, I'll ask him. He used to be a No man but now he's a Yes man."
I told D that I would take them to PF Chang's and asked her to pick a day.
Question, do I ask W to go too? I think the answer is NO, right?
You are letting her feel the consequences of her decisions and not trying to rescue her any longer.
We all come here in hopes of saving our M. You are in the right frame of mind to move on to better things. I'm sure you still have your moments of fear, doubt and sorrow. That's to be expected. Don't let it keep you down.
I think you are definitely one of the success stories here. I'm not kidding. Love your kids and be good to yourself and be happy. You are well on your way!
So I moved out of the house today. Actually, I am staying here one more night,sleeping in her bed, but all my stuff is out. W is out of town with the kids until about 7pm tomorrow. Lots of work to do still at the new house. Old house is a mess with everything from under the bed, dresser,etc now coming to light.
I've got to do some grocery shopping for the new house tomorrow. There is almost no food at home. W still hasn't receivedher check from the state, but did get paid friday, so she does have some money. I was debating if I should get food for her and the kids and have the refrigerator stocked, at least sort of, when they get home. It would be a nice goodwill gesture, but part of me says not to do it and to continue to let her struggle.
What does everyone here think? I always try to be nice and I always do the wrong thing. I think I have been too nice through this whole thing. I am coming to realize that this has been planned for a while and she knew EXACTLY what she was doing all along. I think I should be madder about this and maybe I should punish her however I can for the actions she has taken against me.
Sometimes this situation just makes me feel completely sick, but most of the time I am doing pretty well. My kids are and will be with me. I have a great job that I need to protect and eventually this will all be over for me. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!
What do you guys think I should do next and what should I expect from W? My Mom expects no contrition and no attempt at reconciliation from W because she is too stubborn. And she is.
Please give me some opinions and feedback. I need a hand right now to keep me from breaking down again!
I know you are having a hard time, and you still have feelings for your W. Continue to DB.
I would not try to feel that you should punish her for anything, and I also would not do anything more than you have done. She made her choices. The sooner she realizes that the better. I would let her plan for what she needs to do now, and use the money she has.
I do not know if this it the right answer, but it is what feels is the best thing you should do now.
I think you should focus on your needs and have no expectations from your STBXW.
Is it easy, no. None of it is.
You are going to have feelings that you need to protect and save your W still, but that is not what she wants, so let her do for herself. Maybe she will miss you, maybe she won't, but it is something she needs to find out. It will not happen if you keep helping her. If it is for your kids then do it.
I hope this helps.
You are doing great. Don't let it get to you now.
Keep positive and in good spirits.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
