come pick me up

[schmill]

So, here's my story! Wife wanted to walk away year and a half ago. She never left and things turned around. We had what seemed to be one of the best years of our marriage. A few months ago she really started in on me about not wanting more kids and that I should get a vasectomy. I told her I didn't like the idea because, even though i was fine with not having anymore, I didn't want a fairly permanent solution. I mean in 7 years of marriage we only have one child together and she was on purpose.
About 2 months ago she informed me that she spoke to her ob/gyn about getting her tubes tied. I told her that I didn't really think that was the best thing but if that's what she wanted then I would support her. she said great and that she loved me for supporting her in her decision, however as the procedure got closer she seemed to really start to resent me and think that I wasn't really supporting her because I didn't think it was the best solution. I told her that i didn't have to agree with her to support her and that I was behind her one hundred percent. In preparation for the procedure her doctor put her on hormones to get ready for it. She started getting a little extra irritable but I didn't really think that it was a big deal.
Let me backtrack for a second and reveal that we were under a lot of stress due to finances and she is a hair stylist trying build up her clients and dealing with what to do with the kids during the summer months.
Anyway, the week of the surgery I must admit that i was a jerk and asked if she had any clients booked after the surgery. I wasn't trying to be a jerk but I guess the stress of money got to me. I immediately apologized and asked for forgiveness. She went through the surgery and I tried my best to baby and take care of her to show her how much I loved her. Everything seemed fine and life went on as usual. That Sunday I decided it was time to get back to church and we went. She posted on fb that day what wonders God did for her soul. We went that afternoon to pick up my stepdaughter from her dad and had a conversation in which I said that I was sorry that I hadn't been a better spiritual leader but that i was gonna do better(of course she had heard this promise before). She made the comment that she didn't want to discuss it with me and i could tell by the way she spoke to me that something was wrong.
We got home that day and that night she slept in the other room with the sd. I didn't think that much about it because the sd had been gone a few days. The next night she slept in the chair in the living room and did the same for several days. Thursday of that week she sent me a message saying her girlfriend wanted to hang and watch a movie and responded sure, whatever because I was busy at work. She immediately responded all huffy with "that's exactly the kind of response that I expected." I informed her that i wasn't having an attitude I was just busy and that sure, whatever meant i was completely ok with it(one of many reasons I don't like texting, it's easy to misread someone's intent). It was just me and our youngest that night and I informed her that she had mentioned that she wanted to sleep with us both tonight. She came home that night and slept in the bed with me and our child and I told her the next day how great it was to have her back in our bed.
The very next night we went to some friends that live near us and were hanging out and having a few beers. The whole time we were there she was glued to her phone, texting like crazy. She then told us all about this client that had been crying on her shoulder all day about her ex and that she really felt sorry for her. When it was time to leave, she said that she was going to have to go pick this girl up from the bar she was at. I told her that I wasn't ok with that because she had a few beers in her. When we went to leave she jumped in the drivers seat and since we lived around the corner and I knew she wasn't drunk I just didn't argue and let her drive us home. On the way we stopped by the gas station and i filled up the truck. She just kept telling me how much she felt she had to go get this girl. When we got home she let the children go inside and left the car running. I knew what was about to be said, so I took the keys out of the ignition and told her that I was sorry but I couldn't let her drive across town in the middle of the night. She began cursing and pushing me and our youngest came out and saw it. I scooped up our d and went inside. The wife followed and an argument started in which I told her I had a responsibility to the family and to my wife to not let her go driving across town after drinking. She immediately jumped in my face and said "don't worry because I am your wife no more."
I told her that if she was gonna act that way she need to gather a few things and get her mom to come get her till she cooled down and that the kids and I were staying there. She quickly informed me that the child I have been raising for 8 years( our oldest my sd) wasn't mine and that I had no say so in her staying there(did I mention that the sd was standing right beside her when she said this). So , I took our youngest to the other room to calm her down. When I came back out the W was outside sitting in or truck and said she had called a friend to come get the two of them. We exchanged words(she was recording it) and I then begged her not to leave. She grabbed our sd and started walking down the street as I tried to convince her to stay. I didn't follow because it was only making her worse,so I let her go. It seems that she had already decided she wanted out and that was her opportunity. She has not come back since(this was a month ago yesterday). She will not speak to me about anything other than the child we share and the fact that she wants a divorce. She is living in a borrowed condo, driving a borrowed car, has no substantial income.
We are sharing time with our d and it is really affecting her. She's 5 and only wants mommy to come home so that her family can be together. The W says she's only 5and will adjust.
Found out about mommies "friend" through my d. When i realized who he was I confronted him by phone and he was very defensive. When I confronted her she said that he had helped her fix something on her car she was borrowing. We have known this guy for years but had only reconnected with him a few weeks earlier at a gig I was playing. I fully believe that he contacted her through fb and started getting into her head. there is or was at least and EA but I have no idea about possible PA. He called me after I called them out on some info that came my way and informed me that he was ending the friendship because he didn't want to come between my wife and I(obviously he thought I would be dumb enough to buy that). My daughter has informed me that mommy got another phone. She obviously wanted to keep me from knowing who she was talking to.
Anyway, that's it for the most part. I've been on this sight for a while and have been reading other people's stories and the advice that was given. After 2 weeks of trying to talk to her I decided to cut contact other than about our child. I'm a musician and play fairly regularly and have some great friends so the GAL part is going pretty well. She is trying to justify divorce with complete nonsense,even told me the bible says that if you harden your heart against your spouse you should leave. I know the bible and that's not in there. I do not want a divorce and in our state she really has no grounds for one. She says that if I don't give her one it's just because I want to trap her. I'm a Christian and do not believe in divorce for any reason, not even adultery. I can forgive her for whatever has gone on.
If it weren't for God I would be losing it pretty bad right now and still have my breakdown moments. I've read DR and have a good idea of what to do but any advice,especially good Christian oriented advice, would be greatly appreciated. Sorry so long. Thanks

[Doe10]

Hey Schmill. I'm sorry you're here but you have come to a great place. Try posting this over in newcomers. It's more active there and you will get more responses. So glad to hear that you have read the DR book. The first time through, you get certain things from it. A second reading will let you see some things you didn't see the first time. God bless!