New here but learning slowly. Advice appreciated

[ericmsant2]

Alb - I have read your post and you seem to have a VERY good handle on MLC. What I find missing is this….

What complaints does your H have about you that you would agree with (or as the saying goes around here “stings”)?

What are you doing for yourself?

What are some of your dreams?

Outside of being a vet, who the heck is ALB? Oh and for the record I have a golden doodle…any health problems that you know off? Just askin 

I noticed that your H had an affair 10 years ago. If my math is correct (and I suck at math), then you were married to him when he had this affair. Why did your H have an affair the first time? Why only 5 years into the M? Why did you take him back after the affair?

Your post sound very strong – but what I see is a woman who does not really want to let go of her H just yet. I see a woman who feels like she can some how get him to see what he is dealing with. A woman who just wants to control the sitch a bit. A woman who maybe can help her H…just this little bit – to get what she wants back – her H.

I see a woman who believes that her H is different. I see a woman who is scared.

I also see a person that may have lost herself. I see a woman who goes along with whatever her H says. H wants to go out and eat..well ALB will say fine. H wants to come over and see D…ALB will say fine. H wants to do this or do that…ALB will say fine. Whatever H wants…well H gets – usually ‘cause Alb is fine with it. Even though he is a two time cheating spouse.

Alb…have you ever defended yourself?

If the answer is not really – well now is a good time for Alb to starting doing so.

I am not suggesting that you confront H about the OW – trust me it does not work for someone in an MLC crisis. Nor am I suggesting that you go run out and get a quickie divorce or legal separation. What I am suggesting Alb..is that you really let go of your H. He is not an experiment – he is your H.

Alb – you are trying to do things that will get your H back. FTR, everyone does. That is until you realize that THEY have to WANT to come back. Until you realize that you can not control another. Until you realize that you cannot manipulate thru actions, words, sex, kindness, distance, etc. someone. Nope – every man and woman makes there own choices. It is there truth. Until you realize WHO you are and WHAT is YOUR TRUTH.

Your Truth is the life you must live. Your truth..

The ring….your last comment on that post was interesting…”we’ll see what happens”. Did you decide to put the ring back on because you think he will see and change his mind? Were you trying to control him…just a little….little bit?

If you put your ring on for any other reason other than I truly love this man to death and I will give him ALL of the space he needs to figure his own [censored] out but in the interim I will go and live my life as if he is never coming back – well then I would question why you put it back on. Just so that you know I do not wear mine.

Alb – you can read every book in the world about MLC, you can surf the web all you want…you can try and understand your H, which for the record is a good thing, but what you cannot do is try and control your H.

What you can do is realize and accept that tomorrow is another day for YOU….

Eric