Wife left me close to 8 months ago because she was unhappy. Felt that she had "lost herself" and we were not close anymore. She was right.
I wanted to work on the marriage, she was done.
I tried for about 5 months until it because clear that she had more interest in being with other guys than me.
I gave up, and moved on. Got a girlfriend who I liked very much and had no contact at all with wife for over 2 months.
Then, out of the blue one day, I just had this urge to see how she was. I think not only that, but I wanted to open the lines of communication on the divorce. To say my girlfriend was putting pressure on me to divorce would be an understatement, but at that point, I was POSITIVE it was over, and figured wife and I needed to talk and at least get all this settled.
So, we talked.
What I was originaly planning to be a quick "Hey, hope you are doing well, we should get this divorce thing going" turned into a 4 hour conversation.
We talked for 4 hours straight, about EVERYTHING... HONESTLY... There was no anger, it was the kind of discussion we should have been having years ago, but never could, for whatever reason.
We both admitted we are still in love with each other, and miss each other very much.
I came clean to her that I had met someone, and she was upset, but she understood. She told me that if I wanted to be with her, then she would start the divorce and leave me be to live my new life.
I took almost 3 weeks thinking about what to do.
Even though I knew from the point her and I started talking again that I was willing to give us a shot.
A few days ago I broke things off with my girlfriend, and I feel terrible for hurting her, but I was always honest with her, and I hope someday she will at least respect that.
I went out with my wife last night.
It was the first time we have seen each other in a while.
It was great. It was like a really awesome first date. We had about 15min worth of serious talk, where I told her I broke things off with my ladyfriend.
We went back to just talking and laughing and asking about each others families and how everyone was doing and showing each other pictures on our phones from the last 7 months and stuff like that.
We then went back to her apartment, and had awkward first date type sex on her couch.
Afterwards, she cried, and said tonight is the happiest she's been in months.
I told her "I think we should start this... You and me, and see what happens"
And she said "I think we already started"
And then I went home.
My head is REEEEEELING.
I would like to maybe start small with a book for us to read. We did bring up marriage counselling and that is a definite possibility, but I don't think were there yet.
Does anyone have any suggestions for a good book her and I can both read on the subject of getting back together?
Hi Konfuseed... that's wonderful, congrats! I remember you from this spring (changed my display name since them - i was prairiegirl), and I'm so happy to hear your good news. Good for you also, for taking that 3 weeks to think about it all first. I'm sorry, I don't have any suggestions as to getting back together books to read, but I'm sure once the weekend's done and the boards pick up again someone will make a suggestion. Congrats again; do hope you are able to keep posting as you guys begin to reconnect. I'm sure it will inspire a lot of folks.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
CONGRATS! Just re-read your old sitch. What happened to OM between June and now?
I'd strongly suggest MCing for you guys, as I think it would provide some much-needed structure and a "safe" environment which led to the issues of the past year. Preferably one well-trained in infidelity.
Thanks yall. I'm unsure of how to act now... I mean as far as her and I spending time together. I assume spending quility time together is a must right now, but how much? I wanna see what shes up to tonight and see if she wants to get dinner or something... Maybe I will.
Thanks yall. I'm unsure of how to act now... I mean as far as her and I spending time together. I assume spending quility time together is a must right now, but how much? I wanna see what shes up to tonight and see if she wants to get dinner or something... Maybe I will.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
What happened to OM between June and now?
No idea dude... No idea.
Will you be okay trying to reconcile with her, without this being addressed? My concern would be that if the only reason she's coming back to the marriage, say, is that he DUMPED her, then she might be just one "I'm sorry baby" phone call away from going wayward again.
From what I gather, things between her and him were actually done back in June.
One of my good friends is still good friends with OM... And my friend wholeheartedly disagreed with everything her and his friend did.
I am fairly confident and I trust that if my wife wasn't on the up and up here in regards to the other dude, my friend would know about it, and tell me.
But then again, maybe not.
To say my guard is up right now would be an understatement.
I guess a good thing here is that I really was doing fine without her. I still wanted her, but I don't need her at all anymore.
If she DOES pull some crap like that, I'll be on my way quick.
So we did get together again last night. Watched a movie at her apt.
Things are going well? I guess? This is all a little overwhelming but I guess the bottom line is it seems we are both just really happy and excited to be spending time together.
Its weird, you know... 5 months ago we would get together and we would be somewhat affectionate, but only when I initiated, and she never, ever spoke of any future plans for us.
Now, she is all over me physically, and making random comments about things we should do in the future and whatnot.
I guess it's up to you, really, Konfuseeed, as these things really always ARE. Are you more of a "Hey, don't look too closely under the hood, you might jinx it" kinda guy, or are you more of a "Unless you face the 500-lb. gorilla in the room, you're destined to repeat your past mistakes" type.
Transparency really, at its core, is about what the LBS/BS needs in order to feel safe in the marriage again, after a spouse's prior infidelity. So if you're the first type, you may not need that. If, however, you're the type that's always going to have a KNOT in your stomach, every time you hear your wife on her computer, chatting with someone on Facebook, then you will want to talk more openly about what happened, and put some boundaries in place, perhaps with the help of a MC/FT who specializes in infidelity.
Well, I can say I am definitely more of the first type mentioned.
I didn't even think about it until you just mentioned it in that post, but last night she left me alone on her laptop for about 15min, with her email open, and later in the night she also left me alone with her cell phone unlocked.
I didn't bother to look at anything, but I guess just the fact that those things happened says something.
I think I really am detached enough that I just don't care enough to need anything from her.
It's like I'm looking at this, and treating her the same way I would treat a girl I just started seeing.
