Just an update. Since getting back on track and making this all about me again, instead of about H's reaction (or non-reaction) to me, I've been very busy the past few days!
H got home from his business trip last night. As I posted on CD's thread, H being home has been OK. He has shown more affection since coming home last night than in awhile! Don’t worry: not taking that as a huge sign and abandoning previous position… just making mental note. Nothing great or over the top – no “I love you” or big, sloppy kiss. Got a warm hug and a few quick kisses and a thank you for fixing dinner, and an affectionate touch of my hair - which are all more than I’d gotten before. So, I’m cautiously optimistic that there’s improvement in H’s mindset.
I’m remembering my ultimate goal though, which is that H has to become a man of integrity, not just a man who wants back in the M!
The problem with the new affection progress is this: it confuses me further on how to be with H. It was part of my goals set in earlier DBing - that H hug/kiss me and show affection that is not just because he wants sex. Another being for him to say ILY, of course. Since he has done part of that, I feel I can up my positivity towards him. At this point I have been just trying to match his level of interest/affection.
However, I did make his favorite dinner for when he came home last night. Didn't do it because I thought it would make him happy, mind you... I did it because no matter how he reacted, I wanted to make a positive gesture that I initiated just to see how it would go. I was prepared if he showed no reaction. It was kind of a 180 for me because the past few months I have initiated nothing as far as doing something "special" for H.
