Oh, fascinating thing happened while I was cooking. I had taken the 5 love languages quiz, because I couldn't remember both of my highest rated languages. When I was done, I asked W if she wanted to do it, and she said sure. Now I know that we've both changed not only since marriage, but since the Bomb as well, but my wife is completely different than I expected.
Her primary LL is Words of Affirmation (mine too) and Acts of Service is the second. I would have thought she'd rank Quality Time higher. The interesting thing was seeing her answers to individual questions. She said that she answered this with how she was feeling today.
And shocking me out of my gourd was her choosing "I love to hear my husband say he loves me." followed by "My husband tells me I look good, and I like that," as well as "I love hearing my husband tell me that he missed me."
For a cretin like me, her answers were eye-opening. Some of them go directly against DB/DR advice, so I have to be careful not to read too much into them, but it's important to know what your spouse needs. They may not be able, ready or willing to receive their LL, but you sure as [censored] better not be doing the wrong thing.
For example, my 2nd LL is (no surprise for a guy) Physical touch. Yet my wife scored it lowest, with 1. So all my urges to hold her hands and more are purely selfish right now, doing more damage than anything else I could do. However, my first is the same as hers, Words of Affirmation. And that's why we're getting along so well. We're humming the same tune, now just to get in the same key.
