Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Tonight when she dropped the kid off, I gave her the letting go speech.

The "letting go speech" is pursuing too. Aren't you the one I told to just keep your mouth shut? Everytime you open your mouth....you pursue.

Sandi, I wanted to make it clear to her that I was GAL and working on myself from now on. I plan on not initiating any more R talk for a long time (well, 2 weeks until Retrouvaille). I thought it especially important to give the letting go speech especially before we go to Retrouvialle.

One of her biggest problems with me is that I'm controlling and manipulative in her mind. I squashed all of that tonight by telling her I respected her decisions even though i didn't agree with them, and I wasn't going to try to change her mind anymore. I was letting her make this decision on her own.

I accomplished 3 things tonight within 5 minutes with that speech:
1. Gave the letting go speech. No more pursuing.
2. Validated her concerns by recognizing I was controlling and manipulative and I was no longer going to do that, but let her make her own deicions.
3. Showed her an amazing amount of respect.


Had I not given that speech, she would have pulled away from me because I was pulling away. At first, that is natural. If one pulls away, the other pulls. Then the second person starts to move back to the middle, then crosses over the middle. That's the whole cycle of GAL.

My problem is, I don't have the luxury of months before going to Retrouvaille. I have two weeks. Had I pulled away quickly, she would look at that as hostile. Not respectful. Now, I am able to respectfully give her space and pull away.