Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

TH - thanks - I didn't even realize that trying to make small talk is pursuing. I'm really going to have to start analyzing everything I do or so, or just come here and post it so I can get 2x4's everytime

Tonight when she dropped the kid off, I gave her the letting go speech. How even though I didn't agree with her decision to leave, it was not my decision to make, and I've accepted it. In some twisted way, I respected her for making that decision because things really weren't going to get any better in our M. They never were 'better' in our entire M. I masked problems and glossed over them without dealing with the real issues at hand, and her decision to leave has forced me to look inside myself to see why I've done those things. In some way, I appreciated that she had done this, but more importantly, I was respecting her decision to do this - because it is what she needed to do right now and it was what I needed right now. Had we not separated, we'd be here anyways... it was just a matter of time.

And that is the truth. I am somehow happy she did this, because I'm able to peer into my soul and see what it is I want to be - knowing I am not that person today.

I also told her that I wouldn't ask her to come home again, and we wouldn't have that talk anymore. It wasn't time, nowhere near time to discuss that. Only when I feel comfortable with who I've become, and she feels comfortable with both who she is and I am, we'll have that talk.

We both agreed that we would give each other the opportunity to be with each other again should we both feel we've reached where we want to be as well as where the other wanted to be.

She said she loved me very much, and that she felt more comfortable around me now knowing that I was just there to love her, and not pressure her into coming back - or manipulating or controlling the situation. She felt the respect I had for her in this difficult time and that was something she hadn't ever felt before.

It was only a 5 minute conversation really, then we walked outside to her car, she initiated a hug and kiss and waved goodbye as she pulled out.

For some reason, I feel awfully free at this point. Free to start the changes I want to make without pressure to do so. Only internal pressure and integrity to do what is right by me.