I can only tell you if you are depressed as you say, #1 there is no shame in that, #2 you must get out of the depression before you will be able to fix anything else.
Kind of like you are in an airplane that loses pressure. Do you put the oxygen on yourself first or your kids/wife? You must save yourself first, then worry about helping others. When you are on that doomed plane you have even less time than you say you have now!
If you won't take AD's go get some over the counter St John's Wort at the supermarket. You do take time to eat? or buy groceries?
