You don't think he's missing you at all?? Are you serious??
yes. i'm serious. it's because i saw him change from my h to this really angry and heartless person who i don't know .. sometimes i don't even know if my real h would miss me either. in the past, all he's ever cared about was his parents. i never factored into his life. if he died, his first concern is his parents and not me. i was told this! and i lived with this for the last 2 years.
from what i saw happen over the 8 months that this took place, i don't know who this new person is. i have no reason to believe he has gone back to the h i knew before marriage.
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There is a huge advantage that you have gone dark on him--he has been forced to deal with some of his own issues. And he has missed you.
one can only hope this is happening.
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I would say if anything, because of the darkness and lack of emotion during the separation process, he is convinced YOU don't miss HIM. You haven't reacted like a typical female at all--no crying, no begging, no emotion on your part. You may have gotten mad, but that is not the same.
there's a list on the newcomers forum that lists all the things you shouldn't do .. no crying, no begging, no following him around like a puppy, no r talk, always look happy/unaffected, etc. i look at that checklist and i thought i was doing the right thing.
yes, i may have convinced him that i don't miss him. but if i don't, then wouldn't that be defeating the db purpose?
i still hurt a great deal. it takes every ounce of energy in me to put on a facade. i need to do this in order to successfully db this.
i feared being suicidal because if i get a d in the end, the 'healing'/mourning process will start at that point and it will mean i let out the human side of me that has been suppressed all this time. i have yet to wake up in the middle of the night in tears .. i have yet to experience a day where i just don't want to get out of bed. i have not experienced the really bad side of healing. this is what i fear could put me over the edge as well. you hear so many people say how they wake up in the middle of the night crying, how they can't get out of bed, how they walk around with a dead soul. is that what i have to look forward to?
at the moment, i am trying to avoid feeling and becoming emotional because in order to properly carry out this db plan, i have to stop making emotional decisions and make smart decisions .. which means using my brain and not my heart. yes, i slip up when my paranoia strikes but i don't act on it. when the occasional emotional side of me creeps out, you see the 'crazy' dumped. and when i have the emotional side under control, then you see the 'normal' dumped. i wish i could have gone through the healing process first because it probably would minimize the jekyll and hyde posts and allow me to see things from 'outside the fish bowl'. but we were a little tight on time.
it's funny .. i thought my crazy posts showed my emotional/human side. but it comes across as just 'crazy'.
believe me lauraoh. i still hurt a great deal. i can't show it now otherwise, i will really backslide on the GAL work that i've done. the GAL has helped me turn off that human side.
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But you guard those emotions carefully, so you won't look "foolish" and won't "lose". Those things you keep to yourself are the things he needs the most. My fear is that you won't get that in time and yes, you will have your self-fulfilling prophecy come true and you will be "right" here, too.
yes, i admit that you are correct. the thing is, back in january/february when i was seeing ic, i was told that he was ahead of me on the detachment curve. he's way ahead of me. he's planned this and he's looking out for himself, etc. so to me, he's done with the healing process and is moving on. this was planned all along. i was the oblivious one and now i'm having to play catch-up.
i equate being ahead on the detachment curve with 'being over me'. there is no feeling in him for me anymore. so he doesn't miss me. human or not. being detached means he doesn't think of me at all. unless i'm interpreting that incorrectly? likewise if i'm being told to get ahead of him on the detachment curve, it's equivalent to 'dropping the rope'.
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You have led your H through example ALL through your M. I challenge you to "see" that again, you LED him to be like this!!! That is the bad news.
The GOOD news, is, that Forest is right!! You have wonderful odds of leading him in ANOTHER direction!!
You. Have. This. Ability. God. I. Pray. You. See. It!!
i haven't had a chance to say anything to him. so i have nothing to gauge. maybe that's what's missing.
