Where does the WAW go

[Greek]

I understand that when a marriage splits up someone is always the initiator but does that automatically make them a WAS? Why is their pain/confusion any less important? In short where do they go for help?

Brave girl stepping in this room. I love it! You can both get and GIVE help here, Doodi.

I have my reasons for wanting out but more importantly I have 2 very special, beautiful and innocent reasons to stay...but that doesn't make me any less confused or any less hurt.

I understand this completely.

I accept that everything is my fault because I brought this to the table. I get that I dropped the bomb but deep down I know that it's just because we have both been too scared to say anything. I get and accept everything that is thrown at me but at times I feel like screaming 'don't kill the messenger.' I just said what we were both feeling and have been feeling for some time.

Do you mean that the failing M is your fault? I'm thinking it's never just one spouse's fault that a M fails. Everyone makes a contribution along the way. And I (former WAW) struggled with "don't kill the messenger", too. B/c when I blew the thing open, my H admitted along the way that he had not been completely happy with the M as it was, too. And yet for a long time I felt like I was the bad guy for opening the can of worms. Actually, we both had to deal with the messy M we had and make a new one. And we did - there's some hope for you

I have been hurting for so long and hurt so many times that it's terrifying to think of opening myself up to that all over again. It took so long to say anything I just don't want to go backwards.

I have been in that place. Will you tell us more about how you got to where you are? It would help if you explained the path your M has been on and where it is right now.

I won't ramble anymore, I feel like my brain is about to explode from everything rolling around in there. But the biggest question I have is, where do I get help if I'm the WAW? [/color]

This seems like a good place to start.

Greek