Remember, to stay calm and you are doing this out of LOVE for your husband. Your adrenaline will be pumping hard and you may have to tendency to raise your voice or possibly come across agreessively.
Be ready for the other possibility of him agreeing to dump the OW. If that happens he needs to make that break right then and there, no waiting. Here is a short list of things that I would want in place to protect me and my feelings, always remember that it is to protect you and your feelings not to control him. If he bucks at the requests you could say......
" I know I will be able to trust you again and I want to, these things are for me and my feelings, I know you will be able to do this and I want to be there for you but I can't if I feel that I am going to get hurt again."
I would ask him to hand write a No Contact letter. (Can send you a sample, if this comes up) Do not call the OW!!! she will do everything in her power to woo him back. You want her to get the letter and that is it.
You would make a copy and mail the original certified mail to the OW.
I would ask for the phone (immediately) and you get all the OW's contact info, afterwards he deletes all texts and vmails, and contact info of OW from the phone.
Then call the phone company and he has his number changed (this can be done). Add a family locator feature to the phone.
He gives you all email passwords.
He gives you full access via online to all banking accounts.
If he has a laptop, that is not company owned you get to install eblaster on it. costs about $100. This can be done on the home computer too.
Finally, he gets into individual counseling and you guys get into marriage counseling. This is of course carefully researched together.
I know this might sound extreme but he will go through withdraw like any other addict on a drug, they will try to find a way to contact the OW anyway they can.
The final part of this is consequences for infractions, which need to be very clear. Be ready for the other possibility of him agreeing to dump the OW. If that happens he needs to make that break right then and there, no waiting. Here is a short list of things that I would want in place to protect me and my feelings, always remember that it is to protect you and your feelings not to control him. If he bucks at the requests you could say......
" I know I will be able to trust you again and I want to, these things are for me and my feelings, I know you will be able to do this and I want to be there for you but I can't if I feel that I am going to get hurt again."
I would ask him to hand write a No Contact letter. (Can send you a sample, if this comes up) Do not call the OW!!! she will do everything in her power to woo him back. You want her to get the letter and that is it.
You would make a copy and mail the original certified mail to the OW.
I would ask for the phone (immediately) and you get all the OW's contact info, afterwards he deletes all texts and vmails, and contact info of OW from the phone.
Then call the phone company and he has his number changed (this can be done). Add a family locator feature to the phone.
He gives you all email passwords.
He gives you full access via online to all banking accounts.
If he has a laptop, that is not company owned you get to install eblaster on it. costs about $100. This can be done on the home computer too.
Finally, he gets into individual counseling and you guys get into marriage counseling. This is of course carefully researched together.
I know this might sound extreme but he will go through withdraw like any other addict on a drug, they will try to find a way to contact the OW anyway they can.
The final part of this is consequences for infractions, which need to be very clear.
Take the parts that you might need. This should go hand in hand with what Imlin said, which I agree with. Be aware that if he comes home his crisis is not yet over. It is possible that if he has dumped the OW then YOU are now the OW. You don't want to be that. You want to be his wife.
