Yep PDT, I SHOULD have listened to you 1 1/2 yrs ago. If I had, I would be in a much better place right now.
I don't think it's possible for someone to be more naive than I was. I have a quality - it's actually a pretty good quality in most situations - I usually look on the bright side and see hope in most situations. It's good to be optomistic, but it's horrible to deny the truth when someone is hurting you. For those that think, "My spouse would never do that, he/she just needs time to sort things out, blah, blah, blah..." they are just fooling themselves and setting themselves up for more pain in the end when they find out how long they've been duped.
It's such an overwhelming, horrible experience and as much as I wanted to believe my H wouldn't hurt me or our DD like that - what a joke. He didn't care about anyone or anything, but himself. He blew off such special things with DD, trick-or-treating, trips to the zoo, bedtime stories, seeing her open her Christmas presents, taking her to church - all for the mess of his A. That's sick. And he lied, lied, lied, lied, lied countless times.
I am filled with such intense pain & anger when I think of all those nights I cried myself to sleep, prayed that he wasn't cheating, tried to keep my head up and be happy for DD even when I was breaking, read book after book about how to save a marriage and be a good wife. What a smack in the face and punch in the gut.
Now it's all so obvious what he was doing. Ignorance is bliss until the truth comes out.
And now you've lost another 4 1/2 months, Courts.
My friend Corri used to say on here "You're not ready until you're ready ... and then you are."
I pray you're ready now, before you let another precious month or year of your and your daughter's life go by. I pray you're ready to take the stronger stand this time, as you really deserve so much better than this.
Courts, your husband is an ADDICT, and needs to be dealt with as such. That doesn't mean you don't stop loving him, but -- like a drowning man -- there comes a point where you can no longer allow him to pull you down with him, and you have to save yourself and your daughter.
Do you have someone you can stay with this weekend? You're going to need some really strong emotional support. You know, from real people -- with skin on.
