W called I ask how she is she launches into how she is just trying to hang on.
TG-I understand it’s hard. If you need anything just ask (my standard validating answer)
W-I don’t want to come beg you. You know I contributed money to your efforts in the past. I am generous and I get screwed! ExH screwed me and I am just trying to survive on nothing. I paid for the wedding. Etc.
TG-I don’t want to talk about the money right now. That is like holding our M hostage. I admit you paid for things and so did I and this is a long discussion that I am not having unless we are splitting up.
W-I don’t have any money and I have been generous with you and I shouldn’t have to ask you for $.
TG- You know why you are where you are. They were not my choices they were yours.
W-You pushed me away. You broke my spirit. You wouldn’t support me. You ran away. I spent Christmas alone with the cat at the neighbors!
TG-Look there are things I want to change about myself and there things I am not proud of either. I am not going to discuss all this with you unless we have someone helping us talk about these things. And that means that you have committed to this M.
W- I can’t commit I don’t know if I want this after what has happened. I am so angry.
TG-I am still committed to our M and have been. I don’t think we should talk about this while you have anger towards me. I am past that with you. You need to start dealing with your anger towards me.
A few more pleasantries exchanged and that was it.
Text from her after this: I apologize for sounding bitter I don’t want to be angry hateful or anything. We both have been thru a lot. Please have a nice evening. I did not mean to put u in a bad place.
I respond: regardless of what WE decide let’s do it together.
She: I agree fighting and blaming is not going to help us get a real solution.
Me Ok ball is and has been in your court.
Get a message from her a few days later asking about the taxes.
I send text: I extended our taxes. I believe they are due Oct 15. I will be filing separately
W: Why separately are you angry with me? Why are you mad at me today?
TG: Not angry just realized maybe your right about us. I guess it isn’t going to work. I am sad. I wish you felt a little hope but I haven’t heard any from you since I promised to stand for our M. Just think maybe I need to be alone for a while. I am sorry for whatever pain you still feel because of me.
W: I am still confused and realized that if we got back together right now I would still be that girl clinging on to you to save my life. I don’t want that YOU don’t want that! I care too much for you to let that happen again. I am dealing with my demons. I am dealing with them sober so that there is nothing that I miss. I have pain that does not mean that I don’t care.
TG: What can’t you just say that. You give me no hope. What can we do?
TG: I don’t want to promise you I will be different and then not be able to follow thru. I don’t know I need to figure out how to survive. I am not trying to hurt you. This is not to get u back for the pain. I really don’t know what to do. Most of all I just don’t want you to feel bad. I don’t want to be angry.
TG: I don’t need that. I know you have to figure this out. On your own. I can’t save you. And I also didn’t break you. I never wanted to hurt you. The only thing I want to show you right now is I am here for better or worse. That is what I have been trying to show you but you showed me little hope on Saturday and it was the first time I felt your anger could never go away. I was sad for that.
W: I am upset at a lot of things. Things I have done. Angry with myself. I am sorry that I upset you. That is something I will never do intentionally. I am not trying to be a bad person with evil in my heart. I am trying to heal.
TG: I am not hurting from waiting so don’t feel guilt from that. What can I do that I haven’t done?? I am trying to give you time and space. I am not comfortable engaging in anything beyond what we have today until there is no one else in your life. That is the one boundary I have for this. Do you understand that?
W: Yes
End of convo.
In a perfect world I could have had more time to respond and maybe present things differently.
I have never heard her speak like this. It is funny that when I started to agree with her about our M she started defending why I shouldn’t quit?
It is clear to me OM is still in picture.
So now the boundary I have been wanting to communicate has been said. Finally.
I spoke to her about taxes/finances almost a week and half ago.
It will be 2 weeks on Tues.
She never has let more than 2 weeks go by without some communication.
I don't contact her. It has been this way pretty much for the past several months.
So that brings me up to date.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
