I understand that when a marriage splits up someone is always the initiator but does that automatically make them a WAS? Why is their pain/confusion any less important? In short where do they go for help?

I have my reasons for wanting out but more importantly I have 2 very special, beautiful and innocent reasons to stay...but that doesn't make me any less confused or any less hurt.

I've been reading EVERYTHING. Talking, searching and hoping that things will become clearer. I want both sides of the story and I'm trying to truly understand the LBS side so that I can sympathize and hopefully help my H through this but I don't know where to go.

I accept that everything is my fault because I brought this to the table. I get that I dropped the bomb but deep down I know that it's just because we have both been too scared to say anything. I get and accept everything that is thrown at me but at times I feel like screaming 'don't kill the messenger.' I just said what we were both feeling and have been feeling for some time.

And now I'm even more confused. My thoughts seem so clear 99% of the time. Then I start to wonder am I rushing, is this really hopeless? I have been hurting for so long and hurt so many times that it's terrifying to think of opening myself up to that all over again. It took so long to say anything I just don't want to go backwards.

I won't ramble anymore, I feel like my brain is about to explode from everything rolling around in there. But the biggest question I have is, where do I get help if I'm the WAW?

Last edited by Doodi; 08/28/10 10:14 AM.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."