the difference is that when i post on lauraoh's thread, i'm looking at her sitch from outside the fish bowl. it's easier for me to give advice and sound normal.
for my own thread, i'm in the fish bowl and can't see it from outside. that's why the two people are different.
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But.. what are you really planning for?
for some reason, i think he's scheming something to screw me over in the legal process.
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How does that move YOU forward? Can you understand after our little ride here.. why I get "upset" when you run off and do "something" else? I am not angry with you.. I understand it to a point.. but I KNOW.. you can do better than self-torture.
yes, i understand that. the self-torture is weird. it's like me saying .. my social life has improved, i am in great shape. and he's sitting at home moping and getting fat.
i would never think this. i would think that i'm being naive. he's probably having the time of his life. he's probably happy with the way things are.
would i ever think that he misses me? no. i don't think this way. i don't think he misses me at all. i guess it's like self-defence and protecting myself from potential hurt. it's easier to think negatively .. that way, i won't be disappointed. is that what you call a self-fulfilling prophecy? i'm learning the meaning of that term.
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You.. I personally believe.. are NOT.. one of those few. If an affair was a deal breaker.. I don't think I would be posting to you. Why else would you be preparing for the possibility? Is you inner "Emotion" telling you something?
i'm still hanging on because there is a part of me that believes he's still a guy with good morals. i'm torn .. he told me he'd never get into a relationship again. that he was 99.99% sure. he couldn't promise me 100% because he never is an extreme. but that part of me that says "dumped, don't be so naive!" takes over. it's like the devil and the angel on my two shoulders.
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You are not doing this because I told you too. You have done a ton of things I have told you not to do.
i'm not trying to be smart .. but what did i do that you told me not to do? the cupcake thing? yeah, that was bad.
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This is something we will talk about later. When you figure out how he blocked a specific number from ever ringing his phone.. please explain. I have tried.. it is really hard.. impossible.. for me. Maybe you live somewhere special. If it is that easy.. I may move.
i think you can just call up the wireless provider and they'd do it. the text app has a 'block contact' feature.
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Dumped.. Everything you do.. Everything you say.. can change something. There is value in that. It may not be exactly what you want at that point in time. But 10 times out of 10 if you keep changing.. keep acting smartly.. something will jump out and grab you with happiness.
those are pretty good odds.
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Dating was one of the things I told you not to do...
Now I see it has happened 4 times?
i didn't date any of the four. i didn't go to sushi, i didn't play on sunday, and i didn't date the recruiter. the last guy, we're just friends. we didn't go out 1/1. but we're becoming good friends now but that's about it.
i think i tried but i wasn't ready to date - i'm not the dating type. i don't date around and try and find out what i like or don't like. i know what i like and what i don't like. i'm one of those people who can tell right off the bat whether i like someone or not. and if i don't, i don't bother pursuing anything.
the only person i ever liked was my h. it got better as i got to know him. that's when i was talking to the real h.
the h i talk to now, it's not him. he's parroting his parents. and that's why it's hard to talk to him. stuff that comes out of his mouth, is not him.
so in that sense, i'm pretty safe there. besides, if i ever slept with someone else, my h would never take me back. i can't let that happen. my h would not want someone who has had some other guy's thing in the woman he's with. i'm well aware of this .. and so sleeping around? i wouldn't do this unless i truly wanted to shut the door on my chances. i wouldn't do it get back at him because it'd never work. in fact, he'd go running away from me. but even then .. i don't do that. i have more self-respect than to do that.
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"the real me would be tough like sandi2"
Where is Sandi2 when you need her?
maybe 'tough' isn't the right word. i don't have tact. i can dish it pretty harshly. i am quiet on the other threads in the other forums because i can be pretty harsh with my criticism. i've had to bite my tongue on many occasions but i chose not to respond on other posters' threads. better to keep my mouth shut than to say something i might regret.
you know that my lack of tact has gotten me in trouble in my m. and that's why i hold back.
am i still suicidal? not at the moment. but i can't guarantee that i won't be later because he might have something up his sleeve that will put me over the edge. i have no skeletons in the closet, but they might fabricate some story and lord knows what they could come up with to hurt and tarnish my name or image.
are he and his parents capable of this? i think so. i live with this in the back of my mind. i have to sleep with one eye opened.
