Im so sick of this crap with her, it makes me wanna puke.
Sadly, me too Not yours; my own.
I had a STBXW calling and emailing all week long to tell me the final hearing is the 13th of next month. I already knew that. My L told me.
That and a bunch of stuff about how she was glad to know me and good luck on my new life, blah, blah, blah.
I ignored all the emails and calls until today because I had nothing to say.
Tommorrow is my birthday, so I finally decided to go ahead and talk to her.
W. What are you doing? TH: Trying to get the house ready before everybody comes over tomorrow. W. Who's coming over. TH. Well, my parents for starters. W. Oh, that's right it's your birthday. TH. <silence> W. You there? TH. This doesn't make any sense... W. It makes sense. Our marriage... TH. Let me finish. W. OK. TH. We're not going to be buddies. W. Did you read my last note? TH. You wanted a divorce, we're getting divorced, and I don't feel like there is anything left to talk about. W. Alright. Take care. TH. Bye.
So... you see...sometimes... if you don't pull back, they will wear you down until you lovingly embrace divorce yourself. As much as I value marriage, as much as I believe it takes strength and character to make it work, I am not up to somebody reminding me of how they are in control and bent on divorce on the eve of my birthday for no good reason.
Brutal. Are you okay? Sounds like your a little down. I mean a little. Man, there will be someone better, there will be.
I agree, they reach for the control, and at what point do they realize the grip is not there? I dont mean to be so short with her and her reaction to my responses are: you dont have to be rude: well I dont have to be all gushy either, I am not going to be all friendly, ya I can show PMA GAL and all the other stuff but unless it has to do with the kids, I have checked the F**k out of your babbling BS, and listening to you over and over again about what I have done wrong in this M. Again look in the friggin mirror.
She has no clue how every relationship she had before me, every guy probably got fed up with her I am woman hear me roar attitude that they finally said, I dont need this woman in my life. She gave me 2 beautiful kids, which is the best thing that came out of this M. She is so attached to her family which has ignored her time and time again because of her spoiled attitude and they refer to her as drama mamma. Even my family has said if she doesnt have some kind of drama in her life, she gets bored. Well I am tired of it.
I went to pick up kids today, her car was not at daycare, I texted her with "im here" waited 15 minutes and called her.
I was going to ask if she was running late, she started to talk before I had a chance, she said she dropped kids off and ran to the bank before it closed, she said I left my phone in the car and was about to text you back, she said kids are inside, I said ok, she started to talk more, I said ok bye and hung up as I could still hear her talking. She didnt call or text that I am being "rude" like her usual response, dont know if she is getting the hint, I am not putting up with her sh!t anymore.
I took the kids to gym and then out to dinner and went to an arcade to play games. We get back to my "temporary place" give the kids a bath and they keep wanting to stay up and spend time with me. This kills me, they are tired and want to curl up with daddy, repeating over and over about staying with them, I do not talk about our sitch with them, they are 5 and 3. I had them call W earlier, she didnt answer, she is at work. She calls around 9, D talks a bit with her, and S said he doesnt want to talk to her, he does the same thing to me when he is with her. He is not happy about this, he is a smart little man.
I am very supportive of them talking to mommy telling them to say they love her and all that good stuff. I do not get on the phone at all, just upbeat and calm in the background with my kids.
I did go look at some nice apartments today, and I could not stop looking at the leasing agents @ss, I am a guy and noticed her checking me out as well. She asked about me and I told her a brief summary of why I was looking at apartments, she saw pics of my kids and was a little flirty. She said she lives there as well and said the pool gets pretty crazy on weekends. It was a good PMA boost and felt good. I need that kind of stuff going through this crap.
Peace..... I think the W is bipolar BTW she is a nut that I am done trying to crack!!!!
There are two reasons to pull back and stay dark until your STBXW is practically begging for a second chance (not literally begging, but sincerely wants another one--if that happens):
1. It gives her time to see what it is like, time to feel the pain that comes with realizing that the attachment bond is really broken. Time to work on her stuff.
2. It gives you time to heal and become stronger. If you are healing but seeing the WAS often enough, and they are still picking at old wounds compulsively (or in my case, if they express doubts but not commitment and you venture into reconcillation territory too soon), you will eventually just want them to go away knowing that they believe you will always be there to pick on if you do not have a complete break.
In my particular case, the STBXW had doubts after 6 weeks of darkness. Doubts are not an expressed interest in doing the work it takes to piece a M back together. Doubts, in my case, were "does it feel like love?". Date 1, I think it might be. Date 3, there's something there. Now my ego was happy, and I started thinking we were dating like we had first met. Date 4, it just doesn't feel right. Date 5, and two days later the divorce was back on, and I was now a target for her compulsive and persistent reminders that "this is the right thing to do. I just don't love you", etc.
Even unanswered, emails and phone calls and actions were back on that path.
There is nothing to be gained by entertaining any notions of reconcillation unless the WAS firmly commits to trying to work on the M.
All it will do is drag out the drama, and in the end you will want them to go away.
So... back off, don't dwell on the past, make plans for YOUR future, and let things work themselves out, and maybe... just maybe... you and your WAS can figure things out.
And if not, there will be less drama, and you will be happier anyway.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I completely agree. I have only contacted her in regards to the kids. She then starts to babble about other stuff and complain, that is when I shorted it and eventually stop communicating with her. She texted me this am and asked me if I could drop kids off at daycare I said yes and that I want to take kids to church with me tomorrow. That is all I communicate any more. I will stop engaging in her rambling conversation about where I live and what ever else she complains about.
H all, after telling john28 all i could I decided to post myself, Not much new to report, will be getting a lease on a new place this weekend, moving next weekend before our first hearing.
W's dad is in town, the "enabler" who helped her with the separation, D and L financially, I have not contacted her nor has she, I went to a party with some friends to watch the UFC tonight. It was fun I finally got home after stopping at a few bars on the way home.
I eep hearing the oddest things, as I was at the party, I overheard a woman say her and her husband were married by a justice of the peace then had a wedding with friends and family? same as me and the W. I overhear little things that remind me of our situation, not where we are now but what we have done.
told the W today via text that I would like to take kids to church tomorrow, W responded with a sarcastic remark that she has not forgotten about church and they will be there tomorrow, I said sounds good. I will not ask her which service whe will go to, just the one we normally went to, and be happy, I want to see my kids. that is about it. My kids are my focus now and myself.
I did not make it to church, 2 of my dogs got in a fight, I broke them up and during that, my akita bit my wrist and put a nice puncture in my skin, hurts like hell. Cant do anything about it, if I go to a Dr, they will say we cant stitch it since its a dog bite. And yes all my dogs are current on their shots.
W texted me and asked if I can get the washer and dryer tomorrow? I guess her dad since he is in town is helping her with that too. Since I will have my own place now I need to have the washer and dryer, I was going to ffer her one or the other, that way we would each have to buy only the other. But if I can have them both, goody for me.
I did not respond to the text, and I am not going to. If she gets a new set of washer and dryer, she can put mine in the garage and I wll get them later.
I am pretty much just not contacting her what so ever. Its easy at times and hard at times. I know its not a contest but feeling like her life is moving on way ahead of mine, it sux. I have let go of the rope and she hasnt stopped going in the other direction, something that I just have to accept.
So the W has called twice, I have not answered either one and she is not leaving messages. I will just send her a text later telling her I was busy with things and stuff like that. I did upload a couple pics of the kids, and also one of my puncture from the damn dog bite this morning.
Maybe she saw the pic on FB and calling to ask what happened? dont need to speculate, either way she isnt leaving messages. It has been a short time in all this, but if she goes over a day of no contact with me she starts it up, either calls or texts. She hasnt seen me since thursday, and when I had the kids friday and dropped them off saturday at the daycare she was there but I did not hang out long enough to see her, gave the kids hugs and went on with my day.
Our first hearing is a week from thursday. Again I am not going to contest just going to speak with the judge about custody and and the child support. All the assets have pretty much been split up already, and in my state, if there are not any hickups I could be D 30 days after the first hearing.
Not yours; my own.