Whoo-hoo...looks like CD is Professor Puppy's pet! Hey, CD, be sure to leave an apple on Puppy's desk before you leave the door. That way you'll get a passing grade from this "ADVANCED" class that your W "voluntarily" signed you up for.
1) Home makeover (check) 2) Getting your finances in order and firewalled (work in progress) 3) GALing (slowly getting there) 4) Introspection and evaluation (check)
Pretty darn good report card, CD!
Some suggestions for consideration:
1) You might want to consider getting into an activity that W has always wanted to do with you as a couple, but never got around because "life" got in the way. Say, W has always wanted to learn French with you. This is a good time to take French class. This would be a good way for you and W to reconnect down the road when she is trying to end the A. 2) Perhaps do a small test with cologne...a small dab. Scents are a powerful draw....it stirs up the pheromones and brings up deep unconscious reactions and associations in people. Please, please no slathering! 3) What activities, hobbies, or items can be done that will bring up "positive memories" for your W? This is something that only you would know about your W. For example, a card (not now)...that is not R-related...that can only be understood between you. An inside knowledge or joke. Example: if someone is a big fan of the Raisins, then can buy items or pictures associated with them for the WAS. The goal is to induce positive memories associated with you and the M...which will draw back W to you since most of the focus is on the "bad" stuff of the M. This needs to be used only sparingly...perhaps one or two times. This is a challenging tightrope for some DBers to walk on. CD, I would not recommend this tactic at this stage since W is probably feeling some internal conflict right now.
OK. I appreciate the status update and score. Firewall should be done by next weekend.
Few more home idea in the works, too
GAL'ing is next on the list. I've been working in MY stuff that I missed FOR ME.
But I like the idea of a "joint activity" that I will get a head start on.
The two things that pop up are photography (mutual interest;though she has a better eye) and Spanish lessons (we both enjoy Mayan Riviera vacations.) I'll look into both an scan my memory for others. I was going to do some camping with D2 on the long weekend (and let it slip out) but a good place for kids and the weather forecast are making me reconsider.
Cologne test? I still have one she really liked and one new one that she bought. I notice only now that she has had an air freshener in her truck that she likes. And she always said it 'smells so familiar and nice". I just realized it's extremely similar to the last cologne she bought me.
I have been using that one a lot. I will continue. But cut down on the amount.
I agree with your caution on the last item. Seems early as you say. But now would be a good time to think and plan for it. But I'm not exactly sure what you are proposing other than the card.
Would you mind throwing a few more examples so I get a better feel for what you are suggesting? e.g How does it differ from the photography/Spanish?
I should have known better but I couldn't help myself. I was aware of this possibility and my curiosity to see "something working" over-ruled my "but if you're wrong".
So, today my brain is obsessing over the unknown. The unknown that I confirmed last night in the pursuit of "knowing"
I went into town to see if my "hunch" about W and OM living apart was right. i.e. W was living with mom or a friend. Well, none of the above so now my brain is on: -so where is she? -did they get a place together? -this is a step away from me rather than a step toward
Stupid. But I HAD to look. Frikkin' "hope" Why? Just dumb.
Now feeling I am nowhere near the level of detachment and letting go I need to be at.
Question: Why do I usually think that letting go means I'm done? What am I missing and is THAT what's holding me back here?
Every time I find myself thinking about what she is doing, I get frustrated and resentful. Disappointed and disgusted with her which leads me to "I don't deserve this and I don't want you back"
But when I see evidence of "the squirrel" peeking out I'm all attracted to it again.
Is this all about me in the wrong way? Why do I want her back? So that this isn't a failure? So I don't have to divorce and start over? Do I see the D as a "judgement" about me? Would she even be capable of the work this is gong to require? This running away to another person is a pattern so will it simply just happen again when she feels unhappy or changes her mind?
This is also a pattern for me. This is 4 in a row of "straight to another".4 for 4. Whoever I was, even as the attractive bait, is clearly unhealthy for me.
So if I don't want to be that and get this again.......
Ooh. These questions are too big right now.
But I wanted to get them "out there" and "out of me"
CD – H being home has been OK. He has shown more affection since coming home last night than in awhile! Don’t worry: not taking that as a huge sign and abandoning previous position… just making mental note. Nothing great or over the top – no “I love you” or big, sloppy kiss. Got a warm hug and a few quick kisses and a thank you for fixing dinner, and an affectionate touch of my hair - which are all more than I’d gotten before. So, I’m cautiously optimistic that there’s improvement in H’s mindset.
I’m remembering my ultimate goal though – which also is helpful for you: THEY are not good enough for us if they can’t improve over what they were BC (Before Crisis) as we have!
I’ll address your current state in a separate post…
That way you'll get a passing grade from this "ADVANCED" class that your W "voluntarily" signed you up for. 
