"You are so funny, girl. You sound like 2 different people. There is the girl that posts to me, and there is the one here."
I agree...
Why is that? Is she "crazy" or something?
I do like LauraOh's suggestions. I have my doubt's about whether a rubber band is gonna do the trick.
"depends on the source. but it made some sense to me. yes, i did it to myself. can't stop analyzing and contingency planning."
But.. what are you really planning for? As you know I am a big fan of the power "within". So.. from my point of view.. you seem to be planning to fail. How does that move YOU forward? Can you understand after our little ride here.. why I get "upset" when you run off and do "something" else? I am not angry with you.. I understand it to a point.. but I KNOW.. you can do better than self-torture.
"well, if that was the case the i file. but you told me to hold off on the filing. let him do it if that's what he wants."
It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you were reading DB.com.. and you felt like posting would help.. you are on the fence with an affair would end the show. There are a few people that would end the show. You.. I personally believe.. are NOT.. one of those few. If an affair was a deal breaker.. I don't think I would be posting to you. Why else would you be preparing for the possibility? Is you inner "Emotion" telling you something?
You are not doing this because I told you too. You have done a ton of things I have told you not to do.
"yes but i have to have a means of contacting him. he won't answer the door, won't take my calls, blocked me from every IM app out there, oh yeah .. and blocked me from his cell phone. that's why i got nothing back from the text i sent."
This is something we will talk about later. When you figure out how he blocked a specific number from ever ringing his phone.. please explain. I have tried.. it is really hard.. impossible.. for me. Maybe you live somewhere special. If it is that easy.. I may move.
"i always knew i wasn't quite there yet. i knew that being happy wasn't enough. there had to be more. a mindset shift. and that wasn't there yet."
So keep working.
"this makes me feel worse. i have no kids. leaving him no reason to contact me at all. did these few people reconcile or are they headed down the d road?"
Little bit of both. Some people just decided to end it.
"don't give up on me. the road is very long. and i need to continue to fight. i am venting my thoughts. it's better than me holding that back and not "telling" you and making you think everything is all hunky dory."
Why would I give up? Even if you lie to me.. I can "see" it. There are specific things I look for.
"don't want to be more hurt than when i started this journey. my parents' biggest fear is that i will end my life and they won't be here to stop me."
Gonna address this one straight on. You have thrown it out there a few times. I hope you are beyond that point. I hope you understand that no one.. no one.. is worth giving up your life for. If not.. get help. There are so many things out there that will address this 10,000 times better than me. I would be the one pushing you to do it. Or, driving you to it.
That.. is never an answer. It takes the pain you feel.. and applies it to the people around you. If you have walked this road.. you know what it feels like. I personally would not wish "this" on my worst enemy. I absolutely never want the people I care about who love me to "feel" this. Just like a WA.. it ends their "pain". But sometimes.. the LB suffer more. The Left Behinds.. in this case.. have a chance to change things. Not so much in the other case.
Dumped.. Everything you do.. Everything you say.. can change something. There is value in that. It may not be exactly what you want at that point in time. But 10 times out of 10 if you keep changing.. keep acting smartly.. something will jump out and grab you with happiness.
So...
With that said..
Dating was one of the things I told you not to do...
Now I see it has happened 4 times?
I see some cheese chasing. And no real "Work".
"the real me would be tough like sandi2"
Where is Sandi2 when you need her?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
