Now Me

[Gardener]

NB,

G- love the thoughts you opened with. And it sounds like you had a wonderful experience while house sitting. If I didn't have a small child I'd love to go away like that for a few weeks!
But I'm curious... You said:

While I try to stay positive, I have allowed abandoned, divorced, financially-strapped and stuck with this house to define me for far too long. That's normal, I guess - if not necessary - for a while, maybe, but no more.

Do you have any new descriptions or words that define the new you or that you'd like to define you going forward, even if they're just aspirations now?

Good question. I tell myself, to paraphrase Eckhart Tolle: This is my current life situation. It is not my life.
Financial mess? Temporary situation.
House not selling? Temporary situation. All houses eventually sell. It is my last, my only remaining task in moving on, severing from X. That's great.
Abandoned? Many have read this here before, but I have framed in my bedroom this quote from Susan Anderson's The Journey From Abandonment To Healing (I changed the original a bit since she, of course, wrote it gender-neutral).Read it every day. Often.:

Keep telling yourself that you can heal from this.
You are a good person.
No one deserves to be abandoned.
Nothing you did warranted this kind of treatment
from the woman who promised to love you.
The issue lies within your wife.
It is a flaw in her that has caused her to walk out on you.
You do deserve better treatment.
It is better to be alone and happy
than to be with someone who would choose to leave.

So, abandoned? Divorced? Not my doing, out of my control. In the past. Past tense. Done. I survived.
Going forward? Grateful for every day.
After the house sells? For the first time, I will make my life. And make it an adventure of inner and outer discovery.
This prospect is both exciting and scares the hell out of me (which reassures me that I'm normal ).

Thanks for asking. I will visit your thread.

Peace,

[Nikita Belle]

Thanks, G. You may find my thread a bit frustrating, since I feel I have to be careful here (though I have you on the alt, where I post much more detailed updates- I'm just someone different there so you may not realize that. I don't use this name there or that name here on purpose ). But hopefully you'll have some insight to add to the little I can post- I know you've been at this longer than I have so I'm interested in any wisdom you have. And I'm frustrated I feel like I can't post more here, which doesn't make for very interesting reading, so there's not much traffic there!

thanks-

[Gardener]

Why, thank you, CityGirl.
Peace,

[Gardener]

NB,I understand. And I think I know who you are on the .alt. I'm Gardener Man. Send me a message so I know.

[Gardener]

Ah, well.
After all the positive-ness of the nine days in Colorado, all my progress recently, during a two-hour phone call with my best friend tonight I know that my X "is a distant flicker by now," (Mary Chapin Carpenter) and that's all well and good, but God, do I miss my stepD and stepS after nine months.

What's that I always tell Antlers and that my X used to tell me about my sons years ago?

Oh, yes: They'll be back.
They. Will. Be. Back.
Gotta hang onto that.
Because they will.

Just a quick venting is all...

Peace,

[rockedworld]

Ahh... HERE is your new thread!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouragement from the book "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing". I am working my way through it as well and finding it very helpful.

And, about your step S and D.... yes, they will be back. All those years you invested in your R with them... it is not for nothing. Those seeds will grow into something... and most likely something beautiful over time.

[Golfgirl1]

Hi G,

You sound so great! Must have been all the mountain air out here! Of course I'm voting for Colorado, there are some amazing hiking trails out here.....

Sure was a fun day and I play the Wendy Woo CD every day, multiple times.

I'm back out to "recess," (softball game in 1 hour) just wanted to stop by and post.

Enjoy yoga and the new gym.

[Gardener]

Thanks, Gg,

Colorado and Oregon are now neck and neck. After 16 years of visiting, I love the Boulder area. Still, gotta check out Oregon and a coupla others first. My son offered me an extra room in his place as my "base" and to use his house as my legal residence (that solves one problem, right there).
Well wherever I wind up, it's going to be delayed. Contract with Broker ends tomorrow. Not going to renew.
X and I have selected one new broker each and will interview jointly and we'll see. Still, we're entering the worst time of year for home sales and I don't want someone looking at it next spring and thinking, "hmm, this place has been on the market for 19 months..."
Will probably take it off the market and hunker down for another fun-filled financial roller-coaster winter .
But rather than waste time altogether, I might try a "For Sale By Owner" attempt in the meantime.

It is as it is...

Peace,

[ClingingToHope]

Gardener. I cover real estate in my job. Going the FSBO route is probably the best way to go. I don't envy you. The only houses selling now are foreclosures and short sales.

My STBXW hasn't gotten a single call on "the house," which I predicted last year, but she doesn't listen to me anymore.

[Gardener]

Thanks, CTH!

Gardener. I cover real estate in my job. Going the FSBO route is probably the best way to go. I don't envy you. The only houses selling now are foreclosures and short sales.

The one prospect who came back a third time (we had coincidentally lowered the price by $21k in the interim) offered $73k less than the original price they viewed it at (twice) for, $52k less than the new, lowered price. Told them to F off, basically.
Any advice or resources you can point me to either here or in the .alt?
Right now, S,31 is going to put build a website for me. Any and all advice would be much appreciated.

Peace,