Now Rhianna is telling me to 'Shut up and drive'...I really need to get out of my head...already walked 5 miles this morning and vented to a friend, did yoga, cleaned...at least I'll be nice and in shape trying to distract myself.
Must not text. Must not text. Must not text. Must not text. Must not text.
Put the phone away...better yet...instead of texting ask yourself WHY YOU want to text.
Why do you think? I know the answer do YOU?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Oh man, I'm not good with the hard questions, Eric! I want to do it because I'm lonely right now and want to add some excitement to my day as I wait for 'nap time' to end.
Bah...thinking about not wanting to answer the hard questions, but wanting someone else to do it for me...just one of the things H pointed out when stating the reasons why he left: Too dependent. Get your own mind, figure things out.
Ugh...back to working on that.
Must not text. Must not text. Must not text. Must not text.
Eric! I want to do it because I'm lonely right now
Okay..I want to make sure I heard you correctly...sorry actually read this correctly....
Okay...so I just read....I want to do this because I am dependant on my H to excite me and make my day. I can't seem to go out and GAL. I can't seem to go out with my D and do something for fun.. oh yeah...cause I am depend on him.
Lala --- you wll be surprised at what YOU can do when YOU put YOUR mind to it. Very surprised. Let me ask you another question....
Sorry if this is a little hurtful (not my intent really)...what would Lala do if her H died? How would lala survive?
Answer that...
And hey you want adventure...figure out a way to get to NC! Drive it..do it yourself....stand up Lala...you are stronger than you think...YOU just need to believe it! I do!
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Grit, I get ya! I've spent the last week (albeit a bit distracted) thinking about me and where I am with my issues as just Lala.
I can proudly say that I have dominated the self confidence issue. I am feeling pretty good about myself and I know that it goes way beyond my tan and rockin' hair!
I have found comfort in my intelligence. This translates to how people view me regardless of my 'job', and it translates into the impact I make as a friend. I know that I embody notes of grace, humor, intellect, and most importantly love. I enjoy giving and receiving all of those things.
The biggest 'issue' that remains is isolation. I think all stay at home moms encounter this issue and most have someone coming home to them at the end of the day which somewhat combats that isolation. Being separated from H leaves me with a double whammy of isolation during the day AND night. Yes, I can get out and do things during the week, but the bottom line is that a lot of me getting out for me requires spending money. In order to respect our financial situation, and also to respect my need for human interaction and brain stimulation, I want to pursue working more. Even if its not in my old accounting career, I am more than happy to spin some extra tunes at the salon and love on people and their hair! So I am going to pursue more working opportunities for myself going forward.
Today is not a good day. I'm struggling with the idea of standing. I see my H just about every day because he spends time at the house with D, and I just get struck over and over again with how me and our M is not even on his radar. He comes over to see D when it is convenient for him and otherwise he is so obsessed with his career that it is all he can think about. Back at the end of June when I pushed him to make a choice he said the only way he would have more time to focus on us is if he were to quit his job and he loves his job. So I keep thinking...what am I waiting for? The hope for change is dwindling.
Additionally, H has been stressing over finances and job security. It frustrates me so much that we're leaning further and further into debt because of his choices to have two places to live and the associated expenses of that. It is hard to protect myself financially because I don't work and that definitely scares me. As I've mentioned before, I'm working on the whole going back to work thing.
After speaking with a DB friend, he suggested laying down the last resort. I'm not afraid of what might come out of that because I know that I will be okay in the end of this mess, but it hurts me to think of the impact on D and on H. 1. I always think, well what if tomorrow is the day he'll snap out of it? 2. Right after thought #1, I think, what if he never snaps out of it...what are you doing? 3. It makes me sad to think about the long term affects on his relationship with D. Especially when I grew up with divorced parents. 4. While I want to be smart financially for myself, I don't want to cause him further financial stress with alimony, child support, lawyer fees. I know that is trying to protect him and I really need to let go of that.
I never wanted to put an official timeline on my standing. I always hoped that one day I would just know when I'm at the point of moving on solo. Now I'm just worried that if I arrive at that point, I'll just keep myself in limbo thinking everyday that tomorrow will be the day he snaps out of it. Then I get frustrated with it all and drive myself crazy. *sigh*
The hope or your hope? Stay strong and have a positive perspective.
Quote:
I never wanted to put an official timeline on my standing.
Then don't. There are many here that have stood through the process of divorce and many that have stood after it was final. In many aspects, this is a long way from being over with no matter what happens
Brooklyn was put in a similar situation in regards to doing what she had to do to protect herself.
Originally Posted By: lala09
Additionally, H has been stressing over finances and job security.
It's sort of odd that he can't see further down the road in regards to this and being apart isn't it?
Please keep in mind, doing what you have to do to protect yourself doesn't have to be done with an "I'm done" mentality
