Radio can I teach you how to make quotes on your thread? It will make your posts a little easier to read.
Easiest way, hit quote button on the bottom, instead of reply and eliminate(delete) text you do not want.
Second way copy text the way you are and hit 5th button from the right which will give you [quote][/quote I am leaving out last bracket, paste text between brackets.
Third way is to type above in manually [quote] ..text..[/quote .....(again last bracket missing).
You can use the preview button to see what your post will look like before you submit it.
How are you going to figure yourself out if you keep attached to her. I am not saying go out and file. I am only saying...aren't you tired yet. Tired of trying to fix this..tired of trying to control it...tired of sitting around waiting to see what SHE does next..tired of looking at every interaction..tired of...being stuck...just tired.
Letting her go does not mean giving up.
I am glad that you and your son are closer. Nurture that R..
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Radio can I teach you how to make quotes on your thread?
Yes! Did I do it right?
I have a new question. What causes the MLC spouses' "ebb and flow" movement back and forth from the LBS spouse, where they seem to creep an inch towards you and then take about 100 steps back and hide in the shadows? Is that something I'm causing somehow, just not aware of it? Is it something internal to the MLC spouse, and is part of their movement through the 'tunnel'? Something else entirely?
I'm trying to process how my wife could go from:
"I love you guys" on the phone at the beginning of our Hawaii trip to...
"I want to say to you very clearly that I'm never coming back to this family ever again!!!" to...
acting like a complete 'brat' teenager when I try to have a parent-parent talk about our son's Viola class to...
A vicious cycle of anger/spewing where she essentially doesn't speak to me for the last 3 days to...
having a conversation with me today about our cars, and acts as if the last 3-4 days never happened?
What causes that? Rollercoaster is a HUGE understatement when dealing with an MLC spouse!
About the 'brat' converstaion over Gabe's Viola class. It went like this:
Me: "Even though Gabe doesn't like it that much, I think we need to make a parent decision on whether to make him continue with Viola. Can we please discuss the +/- of making him take it again?"
Wife: "How should I know?!!"
Me: "C'mon Kitty. I know we shouldn't force Gabe, but isn't this something we should discuss as parents and make a mom/dad decision for him? Even though he doesn't like it a music class is good for him."
Wife: "Ask Gabe! He lives with you, not me! He's sitting there right next to you!"
Me (Slow turtle that I am finally sensing the futility of the conversation): Never mind. I'll just talk to Gabe later.
I think you're expecting things of your W at this time that she just can't give you. She's not the same W and mother she was previous to MLC. What you are doing when you are asking her to parent with you is putting pressure on her that she can't handle at this time and probably not for quite a while longer.
You must keep your expectations at zero.
Those times you are noticing when she acts like the wife you knew are called 'peeking out of the tunnel'. They are just temporary reconnections with reality. If she senses pressure or gets scared she'll dart back in even faster.
Remember you can't hurry this process along but you sure can slow it up.
You are the only sane parent right now. You are the one your kids can consistently rely on. Do your best possible for the kids and yourself. Your wife has to left by herself to deal with her own issues.
Even in regards to parenting decisions? How do I do that without offending her? Her 'crisis child' seems to be this young teenager personality, I don't know, maybe around 13-14 years old. It's something I tuned into early in this crisis because this 'child', seems like just about every time she comes out to play, often makes repeated statements along the lines of, "You can't tell me what to do! I am a strong, independent woman!"
It's pretty strange to hear/watch her say this, because alot of her mannerisms, tone of voice, body language, etc... just scream to me, "I am a little girl trying to grow up, and nobody can tell me what to do!" Her behavior and words during these moments are very consistent, so I've learned to identify fairly easily when my wife is cycling through the 'crisis child' episode(s).
In any case, how do I make those kinds of big parent decisions in a way that doesn't offend my 'real' wife's sensibilities, nor piss off the teenage brat?
She's not the same W and mother she was previous to MLC. What you are doing when you are asking her to parent with you is putting pressure on her that she can't handle at this time and probably not for quite a while longer.
It's difficult to comprehend how my wife can cycle through her crisis so erratically in the context of the family, yet appear and act so 'normal' to the outside world.
In any case, how do I make those kinds of big parent decisions in a way that doesn't offend my 'real' wife's sensibilities, nor piss off the teenage brat?
Real simple.
You make them based upon what's best for your children.
If this ticks either one of her off so be it. No fear.
