Just tagging in here, 'cause I wanted us both to read and feel RW words of wisdom:
Nobody is a perfect spouse. I wasn't, and I am sure you weren't. But that does not warrant abandonment. That is not your fault. That is HIS stuff. Please remember that.
I have spent all this past year beating myself up for X leaving, and feeling ashamed, like you, for "being made a fool of. " My C is going to work with me with EMDR on these things.
I did try saying to myself the other day: Even if it was ALL my fault--if it was scientifically proven that X was perfect and I was a lousy partner--what good would it do me to keep beating myself up with that?
Wouldn't I do better by saying, "fine! It was all my fault! What can I do BETTER next time? what can I learn and improve from this?"
I don't know if that helps as you ride this lousy roller-coaster, but I hope it does.
Each day has it's ups and downs--hold on and you will get through it.
