Will he agree to no contact with OW? Probably not yet. Luckily she is now living in another country so the PA has stopped, but he still says she is "his friend" and does communicate with her. I am willing to set the boundary of "no contact with her while he is in my presence or in our home", but I don't believe he will agree to complete no contact yet. Eventually, that is what I want though.
Will he agree to full transparency? Maybe. He has said he will no longer hide things from me and will be truthful with me.
Get into MC: We are both doing IC and he has said he would like to do MC.
STD test: I have done this myself and am clear. Of course, I will not have unprotected sex with him until he has done the same.
It has taken a lot on my part to get to this point, and I really don't want to take a step backwards, so am treading very carefully at this point.
LWTG,
Since he is the one saying he wants to work on things, it's up to you to tell him the short-list of items (boundaries) that YOU need in order to do so. That list of "dealbreakers" is intensely personal, and slightly different for each one of us, but YOU have to decide what it is you need in order to feel safe again in the marriage.
I will tell you, however, that hard withdrawal from an affair takes a few weeks, and TOTAL withdrawal can take 6-18 months, on average. Without no contact, every time he talks to her or e-mails or texts with her, he's going to set that withdrawal "clock" back to 0:00:00, and you're going to have to start all over.
Again, a good family therapist (FT) who specializes in infidelity can help you with all of this, and verify what I'm saying.
