It's not so much that I expect somebody to make changes, NM. It's more about not having to alter too much of myself to fit into somebody else's world.
Sol - I can't give you an exact date or timeline about letting love die. When the R runs very deep like the R I had with my H it does require work. My C has really helped me with that.
People who lie, cheat, steal and abuse are not worthy of my love. I fought an internal battle for a very long time. Also, I am going on year 3 of *this* so my perspective might be different.
I don't respect D at all and without respect it is impossible to love in the "correct" way. Sure, I miss things about our marriage and things we did and the time we spent together but that is all surface stuff and not love. From time to time I will hear/see something that reminds me of him/us and I do feel like I have been punched in the gut. But most of the "love" LBS think they feel is really just familiar and not actual love.
Healthy love that you give and that is reciprocated is not what we see here on this board.
When you do decide to do the work to let those feelings of love die you will fight it. It will be a terrible internal battle. It will happen though... slowly with lots of setbacks.
