A couple living in a small Midlands village take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom as such but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to bowl," the woman said. So the young girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday night. After her husband had gone off for his bowling tournament, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed.
She was surprised to see that the young lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week, when you go off to bowl, I'll leave a little gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself, alright?"
The following Monday night, while the girl got undressed for her bath, the wife asked her, "Do you shave down there?"
"No," replied the girl, "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs on yours?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman and she showed the girl her hairy muff.
After the girl had gone to bed the husband came home and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"
"Why not?" she said, "You've seen it before."
"I know," he replied, "but the bowling team hadn't!"
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
She moved in with an ex friend after I helped her with groceries etc. and telling me all kinds of bs. This guy grows dope under the pretence of "medical". He is also a speed freak i've come to understand. This is a mid 60 year old guy, who is married, but wife lives in CA now.
She called me yesterday asking for some skirts I have along with a bunch more stuff. She needed them for job hunting. Funny, she never looked for work when I was helping. Being the "Captain", I took them to the house and dropped them off outside by other things I had delivered the previous week. I was thanked with a nasty email about how i'm a cheater and chicken s!*t liar.
There is no saving this "HO" for this "Captain" anymore!
My ship has found a different port.
I have been seeing a lady who is the complete opposite. It's a little scary because I don't trust all that well and she has already been saying the L word, ugh!
On to a lighter note,
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see Your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You damned liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I have been seeing a lady who is the complete opposite. It's a little scary because I don't trust all that well and she has already been saying the L word, ugh!
Have you responded with the L word?
I dont think I ever said that to my last girlfriend although I may have written a card with it at the end. I needed to be sincere to say it and I never really developed a deep love for her.
I have had some time to myself but maybe not enough. lol
Kerry,
HA! "mystery ship" so true! No I haven't responded with the L word.
Follow up- I got a email and phone call this morning from the crazy bi!*h. She was accusing me of taking dressers of hers that I delivered to her last week. WTH!
She then asks when i'm going to bring the rest of her stuff to her. I'm dumbfounded!
I can only laugh I guess!
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.... You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'NO S!*t!.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year -old Irish Wolfhound. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live.
He said, ''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life--like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"
The Six-year-old continued, ''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
