She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[ericmsant2]

Crushed

I wanted to say that I can see the anger in your post. Crushed, it is okay to be angry. It is what YOU do with this anger that makes a difference for YOU, for your W, for your health, for your M.

I don't really care what she's doing

Yes you do and STOP fuc*ing lying to yourself about it. You can lie to me, lie to others…hell you can even lie to yourself BUT is that what you really want to do?

She's proven herself unpredictable and hateful

More anger up there^^^^^ I bet she was not always like this BUT you can’t see that because you are angry. Honestly, if you did not love her or care about what SHE is doing you would not be angry. Another thing you are angry about is this….

the realization that I can't change her was made crystal clear

No you can’t change her and it sucks. Guess what…I wonder what she was thinking when you were being a pin head. What did she want YOU to change that YOU never changed. Ohh…it is soo easy to keep looking at her…soo easy to want to throw in the towel and say F it…so easy. Do you know what is harder? I’ll tell ya…it is making a change in YOU. It is working on yourself – on your issues. That my friends take balls..takes courage.

I'm just saying that I'm tired of looking, emoting, thinking, reading

Your tired because you have not let go. Deep down in yourself you still feel like you can change and control this. When you realize you can’t you get pissed off and want to quit. BTDT! Let go…


When you let go you will gain some clarity and peace. You will be able to look at your M in a different way. I am not going to blow smoke up you’re a**….you will get angry, you will get frustrated…BUT you will find what you are looking for, which is answers!

I'm afraid I don't care enough about my marriage anymore to put the effort in.

Sorry I say bullchit! If I recall you are big dude…a strong man. How fuc*ing strong is this statement. How long did your W put up with YOUR chit. How long Crushed? Don’t answer me answer yourself!

I do want to be released from this person that I seemingly have nothing in common with, except our kids.

Is she holding you back or are you? Nothing in common….yeah…I know…all of sudden chit does not go your way and you have nothing in common. Your W is going to change and is changing – you buddy are not. You are pissed and stuck. Get unstuck and maybe you have more in common than you think.

I am willing to hang on to find out more about myself for my sake

Are you sure of that..seemed like you are quitting on your M up above. Sure you have what it takes to do the work?

I've already strayed and feel almost no guilt about it.

Maybe you feel no guilt but cause you are running…running from yourself! Running from the man that YOU want to be. Running.. Hey Crushed FTR it is easier to run that to stand and face things. Much easier…that is after all what your W is doing. So is Crushed gonna run or man up and do the work.

Yet I'm scared of the loneliness. It can't possibly be lonelier than I already am.

Crushed I am scared too – I am no better than you my friend…I am just a regular guy. I too get lonely. So I can sit here and wallow in it or I can go get a fuc*ing life. I can go find my own happiness and not rely on my W or anyone else for that matter to provide it to me. Your call – this is after all your life not mine.

I'm hoping there's more to her than what I've seen during the M and the horror of the last year.

Then stop fuc*ing running – Period. Man the f up and do this chit…do it for your kids, do it for the women you love but MOST of all DO IT FOR Crushed!

FTR…you can tell me to go pound sand….I won’t take it personal…cause I know who I am…what about you Crushed…what about YOU? Can you look in the mirror buddy…you’re a big dude…are you big enough to face YOURSELF? Strong enough to do the work and for the first time in your life stop running...then again you could do what most do...run.

God Bless ya dude
Eric