Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Hi gr8, thanks for checking in on me.

I'm trying to do a little better today. Last two days I haven't felt like doing anything.

I was going to email W this morning about house stuff but she emailed me first...finally. She was nice and thanked me for the voice mail update earlier in the week. She discussed only one of the house topics, gave her input and then asked for my thoughts. She also said she was out driving the other day and saw me parked on the side of the road. She asked if everything was ok. I was parked on the side of the road because a huge truck cut me off forcing me to the side of the road and the guy behind me almost hit me too. Lucky to avoid that accident. I was so shaken up I guess I didn't even notice her driving by.

I have my email to her written. I'm not melty man in the email. Not rude either, just civil. Kept it very business like. I took Rob's advice and told her what I'm going to do, my decisions. Didn't really ask her what she thought, just that this is what I have decided with these issues.

[idontunderstand]

mza8-

You sound much better today.

If you are taking Rob's advice you can't go wrong.

You are over this latest "crisis". Learn from it, grow and move on. Take care of business.

Take care of yourself.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I have my email to her written. I'm not melty man in the email. Not rude either, just civil. Kept it very business like. I took Rob's advice and told her what I'm going to do, my decisions. Didn't really ask her what she thought, just that this is what I have decided with these issues

I hope youre not going to bring up the dating site!

So..what are you going to do?

[Coach]

I agree with you 100% that W and I need to go to MC together but I can't get her in the door. I have no idea how I can do this? Perhaps after I expose her indfidelity she might go.

he's getting his ears tickled in the Infidelity forum.

I'm sure this latest saber rattling will get her to MC.

Next stop MLC forum.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

he's getting his ears tickled in the Infidelity forum.

[pinhead]

mza8,

When I was diagnosed with cancer, another family member was also diagnosed at the same time with cancer. So we had a lot in common. I found a great oncologist and surgeon who clearly outlined what life was going to be like in the short term, and the long term (assuming I was lucky).

The other family member didn't like what she heard from a highly recommended, board certified oncologist who also teaches at a very highly respected university in her town. So she went to get a second opinion. And a third. Even talked to some quacks about organic/holistic treatments. Three months went by, I was already recovering from surgery and had started post-op chemo. She was still at day one.

Finally she started on the treatment/surgical path outlined by the first doctor. She progressed well, and we've commiserated a lot about cancer, life and our families.

And yesterday I heard from my mom that they've discovered new lesions on her liver...

[robx]

I agree with you 100% that W and I need to go to MC together but I can't get her in the door. I have no idea how I can do this? Perhaps after I expose her infidelity she might go.

he's getting his ears tickled in the Infidelity forum.

I'm sure this latest saber rattling will get her to MC.

Next stop MLC forum.

I don't think you can consider it infidelity,
you guys have sold the house or will very soon,
I'm assuming paperwork is in process as to filing for divorce, I'm sure she has started something already, she is moving on, if she's on a dating site, it's public, easy to find her, she isn't trying to hide anything, what will you hope to gain from exposing it. She has told you she doesn't want to be with you anymore but you continue to cling to her.

Exposing her attempts to date other men on this website you found her on is just going to show her and everyone else how insecure & clingy you are, I don't think anything good can come from this. If you tell her family and friends, they already know about your situation and will feel sad for you that you just don't get the fact that she is moving on and it's time for you to let go.

Marriage counseling is for couples who want to help fix their marriages, they are both invested in the process, it isn't for a couple that are on the path to divorce where only one spouse wants to save the marriage and the other has been ready to leave it for quite some time - you can't use counseling to change someone's decisions, that would never work.

[Steve McQueen]

She has told you she doesn't want to be with you anymore but you continue to cling to her.

What are the two of you going to talk about when the house is sold?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

mza8,

I read the advice you are rreciving in the other forum.

And to no disrespect to Allen, He is the only one suggestion it is infidelity. Those who have been following your sitch for the past year all say the opposite.

Exposing her attempts to date other men on this website you found her on is just going to show her and everyone else how insecure & clingy you are, I don't think anything good can come from this. If you tell her family and friends, they already know about your situation and will feel sad for you that you just don't get the fact that she is moving on and it's time for you to let go

IMO you are listening to Allen b/c he is telling you what you went to hear.

You are still angry and acting out of fear.

It might be wise to take another day or two to clear your mind.

[mza8]

See, this is where I am confused. I've said it before and I'll say it again. How is my sitch any different than anyone else here? I mean seriously.

The majority of people here have been told by their WAS they ewant a D. Ok, so does mine. Yet everyone here is looking for ways to deal with it and get advise for many issues such as saving the M, dealing with infidelity, etc. That's all I'm doing yet I'm not getting blasted for it.

If the advice to everyone else here is just to give up then this site would be pointless. This site is supposed to be about saving marriages, at least that's what I thought.

I agree with a lot of the advice here. Now that I have this new news of W wanting to date I've asked Allen on the other forum to let me know how to handle it. Everyone says that he's very good to talk to when infidelity is occuring. That's all I'm doing. Asking him what he thinks yet I'm being ridiculed for it. Why? Why the attacks?

Most everyone is still with me. I think they understand the pain I'm going through the past few days. Why is it so hard to realize that this hit me just like the news when she left me? That I am trying to process everything right now? Good Lord, all I'm trying to do is deal with this and ask what others think too. Give me some slack everyone, please.

I'm not rushing into any decisions.