Newer Game- Moving Forward

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Steady.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about TIME.

Missher keeps hammering on it. I understand that. But I've started to look at it again out of the context he refers to.

TIME- it's become clear to me that the most valuable thing I have and can give is my TIME. It's mine and I can't get any more.

TIME- I can only give my TIME properly if I am completely, 100% PRESENT and ENGAGED with whoever or whatever is is. Otherwise, it serves nothing. Wasted.

TIME-Am I spending it or using it? Or giving it away? Getting value for the "investment" or just going through it in "interest payments". What am I getting out of it? Why is THAT person or activity important to me?

TIME-All that is left is for me to prioritize each situation as to what or who is the higher priority. It's fluid but has a structure.

I've run out of steam on this but I firmly believe there is something good in here. At least for me.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

CD,

You're not responding because:

- you want your actions to match your stance (not willing to live in an open marriage, or to act all chummy when she's having an affair);

- you want her to feel what it's like to miss you;

- you don't want to convey that you're sitting around like a puppy dog, waiting for her to call or text you. You are BUSY, moving on without her!

You do want to respond occasionally (after a delay), and to interact with her occasionally, to demonstrate that you are healthy, upbeat, BUSY, positive, busy, HAPPY, (did I say busy?), happy, and surviving and even thriving.

But most of all, you are doing it to be "catnip" (see Coach's posts). You need to make HER the pursuer, and be catnip.

Puppy

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Puppy.
I didn't respomd to either phone call. No message. No question. No return call. Call it a 180.

So tonight I get a tax question. I respond. She sends a few detail follow upas and then gets into her new job, etc. I don't respond. She says "Do you want to know the delay or do you know"

I said "I don't know anything about it"

She says "Cause of my last name. Your lawsuit against them when you left. WTF?"

I said "Statute of limitations on action was two years. 4 years now. It was a letter from a lawyer. Not a suit. If they refuse the job, NOW you can sue!"

As soon as she got a response on the tax thing, she kept pushing into personal. I stayed business.

Thanks again, Puppy.

Felt pretty good today ignoring it.

I'm starting to get the "Letting Go" feeling. I like it.

I appreciate you writing it out like that for me.
I am definitely NOT initiating anything unless she has crossed a boundary regarding the house or D.

And she burned up my phone this evening.

[steady]

Puppy, you missed happy.

CD, all those things Puppy said.

I know you were wavering on the friends and being pleasant/attracting her back and the boundary stuff. There really isn't a conflict in them.

Your drawing a boundary exudes strength and self respect and confidence. These are attractive.

In order to show her love you use tough love. You show her as a strong, self respecting, confidant man you are not allowing her or anyone else to treat you like this without there being consequences.

The consequences are limited to you and how you choose to interact with her.

<i ran out of gas> lol

[SunnyD]

Wow: lots of good stuff on both of our threads today, CD!

You're doing great! I see a day where CD is going to be an Enchanter... Will have his own class and not substituting/checking out Puppy's seat!!!!

I really do!

[CD Bear]

Yeah, Sunny.
You were on fire today.

I tried to lay low and think.

Worked ok til the phone lit up.

Trouble sleeping again. Mind racing. Trying to calm it down.

Thanks for the compliments. Wish i felt like I was making that kind of headway. I'm hearing from the best but it's just not feeling internalized yet. And I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to BE what I need to be right now.I understand it but I just can't seem to live it fully. Yet.

[SunnyD]

I know what you mean. The good thing, CD, is that you are still willing to act on the advice given and trust it! It may not be quite internalized yet, but it's tough when you're in the middle of the fire. The fact that you're willing to act against nature is SO critical! As long as you can do that, the internalization will come. That is why I'm so big on actions: people (especially waywards) let their feelings guide their actions. It's a psychological fact that it is much healthier to let your actions lead you into feeling. Much more difficult, but that's what is most productive in our lives.

SO: don't be disappointed in yourself! You're allowed human feelings. We all are. If we didn't care, weren't hurt, didn't second guess and have fear, we would be robots OR we wouldn't be here on these boards trying to save our marriages.

I do hate when the mind races, esp. at night. I try to read something funny or empowering when that happens - or watch the comedy channel! lol

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Sunny.

I appreciate the morale booster.

I drop D2 off this morning and don't get her back until next Friday. I can still drop by the dayhome during the week and get a little D "fix' but it isn't the same.

Got lots to do this week.

I'll let my "Actions" get me out of this funk.

Thanks for the reminider. I'll generate a little sel-satisfaction by getting some stuff done.

[SunnyD]

That would be really difficult - being without D for the week. Our kids really help to take the focus off of our sadness over our situations. It can be a time of personal growth though, I believe. Keep up on your to-do list and do some things for entertainment too! That's what I found out yesterday. I'd been so focused on self-improvement and marriage improvement issues that I needed to take a break and just have fun and reconnect with friends, etc...

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Sunny.

It's refreshing to have some time alone, too. Let's me absorb my week with D2 and reflect on where I am.

I find that these little "funks" usually indicate/precede a leap of growth so I look forward to that.

I have some house projects (good "me" time) and a couple of legal things this week.

I will try to get some fun into the week as well. I just find I have so much "backlog" of "other stuff" to accomplish that fun takes a back seat.

I also have what would have been my 4th Anniversary on Thursday. Gotta prepare for that, too.

Interesting week ahead.

DETACH; LET GO