Change what you can change and the rest will just fall into place. You deserve to be happy! Do me a favor...pick something that you always wanted to do in your life, for me it is running a full marathon and selling a painting and make a goal to do it..let me know what it is and I will help you! I know it may sound silly but it will help you focus on you!
Swimming, is that you? What flipped the switch for you? I am astounded by the difference in your posts. Glad for you!
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.