My husband and I have been seperated for 6 months. We have been together for 12 years and married 3 years. We have 4 children ages 11,9,7,6. I thought that we had a great marriage. Everyone would say how we were the perfect couple. My husband loves to cook. He is truly my bestfriend. Everything was going great for us and he asked me to marry him. We got married in June 07. Most of the relationship he was a stay at home dad and I was the bread winner. In November 06 I became a stay at home mom and he went to work. He came to me in November of 2008 and told me that he was not happy and he was leaving. We had only been married for 1 1/2 years. We went to our Pastor and he told my Pastor that I did not clean and cook like he would like. My husband decided to stay and see if things would work out. So I began to change my ways and we became happy again. Then in November of 2009 he told me he was not happy again and he was leaving. He left January 29, 2010. It devastated me and the kids.
In March 2010 I was using my husband phone and a text message popped up. The text message eluded to there being another woman. My husband said that I was misreading the text message and there was nothing to worry about. I later found out that there was another woman. I called her and confronted her and she did not know that my husband was married. She said that they do have a friendship but they have not had sex. My husband was very upset that I had called her.
My husband was living in a hotel and I found out in May that he moved in with this "friend" he said he is not with. I called her again and confronted her and she talked to me in front of my husband. She again said they are not together or sleeping together. She said that she hopes that we get back together. She said that he just moved in because he had nowhere else to go. This whole time me and my husband spend every Sunday together for 6 months. We have sex, we go on dates, we spend all day together, we watch movies, we talk, we send each other love poems.
My husband came to me about 2 weeks ago August 14th and told me that he does not think that we will work out and that he has lied this whole time. He said that he is in a relationship with that woman and they are moving forward in the relationship. He began to cry and said that he feels so ashamed for leaving me and the kids. We then both began to cry and ended up sleeping together twice. I got very angry after I thought about everything and called her again. She again told me that she is not sleeping with my husband. She said that he is scaring her by lying to me. She said that she tells him to come back home to me because we do have kids. She said that she has male company over to the house and that is who she sleeps with. She said that when my husband comes home from work she leaves and goes to work. She says that she barely sees him. My husband got very upset this last time I called her. He told me that something broke in him and he can't believe I called her again. He said that it is about me and him and to leave her out of it. He said that we will never get back together if I keep this up. Since then he has called me and texted me though being his loving self.
My husband told me to let go and let God work things out. He told me to see how things play out and if we are meant to be together we will be together. I have two questions. Do you think that the other woman is tell the truth? What should I do about my husband and our marriage? I love my husband and I want him to come home to me and the kids. I have done everything wrong for 6 months. I have begged, pleaded, clung to, cried, and looked very desperate. Now that I have started researching this topic I see that it was only driving my husband further away. Is it too late to save my marriage?
Me (32) H (36) Together (12 years) Married (3 years) Children (4 ages 11,9,7,6) Bomb dropped (November 09) Seperated (January 29, 2010)
tay tay, sorry for your situation, from a guy who has had an affair all i can say is that he is probably having one. Ive been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt. Its late right now but i;m sure some of the other people will chime in tomorrow. I came to my senses and maybe he will also. You must be ready if he does or doesnt. I dont believe it is ever to late...but remember and i have a hard time with this also....you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink...sometimes you have to drop the rope..
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Do you think that the other woman is tell the truth? What should I do about my husband and our marriage?
First, sorry youre here but you will have much advice coming soon.
People in affairs always lie!
You should not be sleeping with your H while OW is in the picture.
You need to tell your H that you refuse to live in an open M.
It is not too late to save M. Start reading as many sitchs here as possible.
Although they are so many, they all can be categorized by only a few types.
Post often with updates so we can help you.
(((HUGS)))
Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 08/27/1011:22 AM.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Tay Tay, I'm pretty new here, but I've read quite a few stories and it's not too late! You will get great advice here from people much more experienced in this, just make sure you follow it. Not every marriage will be saved, but there are chances!
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
He said that we will never get back together if I keep this up.
Correction--this is where you tell him "we will never get back together if you don't stop having your A."
Don't let him hold all the cards, girl.
STOP having sex with him. He AND that woman are both lying. It's clear they are in a full blown A and having sex together. They live together! You need to put your foot down and HARD. He needs to face the consequences. You already know that begging, pleading and crying doesn't work (in fact, it has the opposite effect that you want -- and, oh God, the majority of us all do this, don't we, in the beginning?)
Hard consequences.
Welcome to the board. It's a wonderful place despite none of us ever wanting to be he here.
Your # 1 priority shouldbe your kids right now. DO NOT let him have his cake and eat it. Uh uh, no way, no how.
Originally Posted By: Tay Tay
I know but it is so hard to drop that rope.
It's the only way, Tay. I know it sucks but it is truly the ONLY thing that works, IMO. Puppy gives great advice (2 options) on how to a handle the affair... one is "exposing the affair" and the other is "setting your spouse free." I am a HUGE fan of the 2nd one, personally.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
You should not be sleeping with your H while OW is in the picture.
Righto. In fact, I would get tested for STDs stat.
Do you think that the other woman is tell the truth? What should I do about my husband and our marriage?
First, sorry youre here but you will have much advice coming soon.
People in affairs always lie!
You should not be sleeping with your H while OW is in the picture.
You need to tell your H that you refuse to live in an open M.
It is not too late to save M. Start reading as many sitchs here as possible.
Although they are so many, they all can be categorized by only a few types.
Post often with updates so we can help you.
(((HUGS)))
This. ^
When you say you slept with your husband, twice, I really hope that he used protection, Tay Tay. If not, you need to get yourself tested. I'm sorry, I know this is painful, but your health is more important than your (or your husband's) feelings at this point.
Since you've been talking to OW, why don't you let her know you and your husband are still sleeping together. She might be interested in seeing some of the love poems he's written lately as well.
Chances are pretty good he hasn't been completely honest with OW, either, and this may cause some tension over at her place...
Since you've been talking to OW, why don't you let her know you and your husband are still sleeping together. She might be interested in seeing some of the love poems he's written lately as well.
Chances are pretty good he hasn't been completely honest with OW, either, and this may cause some tension over at her place...
This is EXCELLENT advice. I have seen this work with women, especially!!!
Use the adulterers' paranoia and deceit AGAINST them.
Since you've been talking to OW, why don't you let her know you and your husband are still sleeping together.
Do it! I would be honest and frank about it too. "We had sex on Tuesday." No woman likes thinking the guy she's sleeping with is having sex with someone else.
Once again, do not have sex with him & get tested.
When my h admitted to me he'd had sex with someone else multiple times, the first thing I did was run out and get tested. He was defiant about not getting tested himself. As if!
No woman likes thinking the guy she's sleeping with is having sex with someone else.