Blindsided, Just served with papers!

[TimeHeals]

i will not let it bother me. Her idea of being civil through this is her having control, no more.

I have noticed that a lot on here, and even in my own situation: The WAS, mind made up and set on divorce, has an agenda already laid out and it executing it. They generally (both men and women) seem to expect the LBS to remain in pursuit mode, act like good spouses with low self-esteem, and play along with the whole drama to help normalize the whole thing for them.

The one time, in my specific situation, that my X had doubts was after nearly 6 weeks of being dark. Unfortunately, when she said she might want to try again, I went all melty man around date 3 or 4, and I was back in pursuit mode, and things went downhill from there. I was back on script, so she could continue with the script she had in mind.

I hope for reconcillation for everyone even though I know it is a long shot.

But know this, if you can really, really detach with empathy and love, if you can stop listening to your ego (which needs all kinds of validation, likes getting what it wants, and which follows a course based only on your emotions, not hers as well) there is hope. But hope is a distant thing now.

Right now, I think rob has you on the right track: get a kid-friendly home for yourself so that you do not wind up in divorce court trying to defend yourself and your home as your wife's lawyer argues that you cannot provide a safe environment for them.

I know you say you are a busy guy. I believe you and wish you luck, but you do have kids, so you have to make time for them and take care of them too (other busy dads do it, so you will do it too).

Make your kids and YOU your top priorities. Remain open to the possibility of reconcillation, but know that it is a long shot, and you cannot argue your wife into it.

All of us here could use more success stories, and all of us here have heard too many "how I let myself get screwed over and even sort of encouraged it" stories. Good luck.