I am sorry for the difficult situation you are in. i will make an effort to read your thread and see if there is anything I can suggest. But unfortunately, in the society we live in infidelity is a lot more normal than we would like to believe it is.
And I have been to Retrouvaille. I would say very few of the couples at any given weekend have two spouses motivated to be there. In fact, one of the best stories told by one of the presenting couples at our weekend is of a couple that showed up at Retrouvaille, and before they unloaded their suitcases from the car, the wife tried to run the husband down in the driveway! The Retrouvaille leadership couple went outside and calmed the angry couple down and recommended that they still stay and do the weekend. As it turned out, that couple not only saved their marriage, but they went on to become Retrouvaille team leaders. Surely, they did not go to Retrouvaille in the right frame of mind, but they got a good result.
Retrouvaille is very good at working with unhappy spouses. They don't have a 100% success rate. Some say the success rate is 80%. At our weekend, about 50% of the couples went through the entire program. But a 50% success rate in saving marriages is very good.
I may be more sympathetic to John's wife than you are. I was once a confused young woman myself. My situation was not the same as hers, but I don't believe that she is playing games. Or maybe she did play games, but like a child playing with fire, it got out of hand and she was badly hurt. She is confused by a lot of mixed emotions. Where she would like to see clear direction she only sees problems.
You'd be surprised how many little girls really believe that you just get married and live happily ever after. It takes a long time before you get the life experience to see that no one has the perfect life. Everyone has troubles. Sometimes when you are young, you think that you have troubles because you chose wrong. If only you had chosen differently everything would be perfect. It takes maturity to see that we make our lives, and we can make a good life by acting in good faith. She has a lot to learn about being a good wife. But that's no reason to just throw the marriage away. She spoke to the Retrouvaille people and they asked her in a serious tone of voice if she will go with an open mind and a willing heart. She answered yes. That is all anyone asks of her to walk in the door.
