I wish I did the cut and paste quote thing more easily. SO MUCH helpful info in your post from earlier. Loved your knowledge and perception on improving yourself sometimes driving people away because they can't handle the new, improved you. That is SO true. Unfortunately, you're right: it can apply to spouses as well as friends. I hope that's not the case for me. I don't think so because I was pretty strong and independent when H and I met. I became more dependent over the years, being a stay-at-home mom and all. As I'd stated above, part of my problem now is knowing WHAT to pursue that makes me happy, feel good, and content! I have to figure that out again for myself. So much of the past 20 years has been about my family. (I'm glad you gave up drinking. That's hard when you lose your friends in the process.... Also glad you now find yourself attracted to healthy women!)
As for your list of why you want to stay married to W, believe it or not, all of those things, as surface-y as they may seem, are real ropes that can lead back to reconcilation. This is something I learned from my weekend seminar that I will go into in more detail in a separate thread. Even though they may not seem strong - it only takes one thread of one rope to have hope! But I get your point: the actual attraction to W after all this is harder and harder to see. I think that's true when you start gaining self-respect.
As for your last statement: I LAUGHED when I read that! I said this to my H too: that love is created and not just there by magic. I also got mocked!!!
Allen's post with Penny's definition is right on target. How to get WS's to see it - I don't know.
