Tonight I'm getting ready for my road trip tomorrow and posting here. And having a break from Mr. A!
Tomorrow I'm getting up at the crack of dawn to drive from Michigan to NYC, where my sister has been staying for the past couple of months. I'm chillin' in the Big Apple on Saturday, and then Sunday we turn around and drive right back. She'll be in Michigan for a few days and then will go back to San Diego, where she normally lives. She's been in New York for a short-term thing and I'm her ride. Luckily I get a free place to stay while I visit!
NM, compared to a lot of people on here, Mr. A and I have barely talked this whole time. The longest we went without a peep was a couple of months. That's a long time!
I took to heart the part in DR that tells you to make the most of every interaction, especially if you rarely see or talk to each other. For a little while, I was actually talking to the DB coach more than I was talking to Mr. A! (Note: Jody is completely awesome, but that was overkill!)
I tried to DB Mr. A whenever I could, but there weren't many opportunities...
But I *DO* get your message. Mr. A is in a sweet spot right now - I'm giving him a LOT of attention and TOTALLY turning a blind eye to all the despicable things he's done, not only since he left in April 2009 but even before that. I try to keep that in mind, but it's sooooooo good to have you guys remind me!!! It would be so easy to fall back into our old pattern: I keep my mouth shut, resentment builds, and then things just start to go downhill.
I've spent so much time in isolation over the past year and a half that I've gotten a lot better at seeing how I'm going to react to things before the reaction takes place. Here's an example:
Mr. A and I spent Tuesday evening together and he spent the night. Yesterday morning, I told him I was tied up Thursday through next Tuesday. He said, so I guess I'd better come over tonight. I said ok, he said "leave the door unlocked", I said "Sure, I'll text you at lunch - I'm supposed to have plans for tonight."
So I texted Mr. A at lunch and didn't hear back from him. Also, because I stink at using my new phone, I thought he had tried to call me back (he hadn't) and so I called him too. And it went to VM and I didn't leave a message.
I was leaving work 5 hours later and hadn't heard from Mr. A. I started fuming. I got home and started thinking of what I was going to do - I'd go work out, I'd post on here, I'd pack, I'd keep busy. Then I checked my phone and it turned out he'd texted 45 minutes earlier. He was leaving work and was on his way over.
Was it lame for Mr. A to wait until that late hour to let me know his plans? Yes!
Was it lame for me to assume he was going to bail? Yes!
We both messed up on that, but thankfully things were fine by the time he got here. BUT - oh my goodness, it doesn't take much to set me off!
Sure, I have every reason to be suspicious and expect the worst of Mr. A, but doing that won't help me have a nice interaction with him. Forgive me, I'm basically journaling now - just trying to talk through all this confusing stuff...
So if I frame it in the best possible light for myself, I guess I can say that I truly don't want to expect the worst of anyone I care about, including and especially Mr. A. And I avoided doing that last night - just by a hair on my chinny chin chin!! So pat on the back for Mrs. A - even though I thought Mr. A was going to be a complete [censored], I didn't act on it before it happened. YAY!
