Yes, stick to the plan. Don't let it drag on past his bedtime though. You don't have to slam the door on her a$$ to make her feel shut out. She will feel it just by being separated from the son and all the niceties of home. It is important to not swing from one extreme to the other. Don't go from pansy to vindictive. Remember, you are interested in reconciling. As a good friend once told me, "burn only rotten bridges."
Damn it!! Are you serious?? You are inviting her over for dinner. How da hell is she going to feel the pain of what she is doing by YOU taking care of her again. You just said the house was her "Security blanket" yet you invited over to use the nice warm blanket.
DETACH!! ACCEPT SHE DOESNT WANT YOU OR THE MARRIAGE. DONT ENABLE HER. The only reason she should be coming over is to pick up her $hit!!
I swear Im going to drive over to your house and slap the crap out of you.
You keep on sabotaging yourself.
ugghhhh!!! You're going to lose all your support if you keep this crap going.
Puppy I agree. Maybe we need to convene a secret meeting of The Pinheads and take a vote on J28. What that means John is one more screw up and we banish you to the island of misfit DBers.
"nobody wants a Charlie in the box.".
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm sure that's said with tongue in cheek. But I have commented before about the nasty tone that many of the people giving advice on this board have. It seems that nothing less than an certifiable emotional breakdown, or attempted suicide on the part of the unhappy WAW will satisfy the group.
You say that you are helping people save their marriages by advising them to kick the wife out, pack up her possessions, keep the kids away from her, withhold money, withhold help with problems, etc. Then when the wife files for divorce and sees it through, you walk away with a self-satisfied, "Well, you did all you could! After all, you were lovingly detached!"
Goa ahead, attack me. You've done it before. I saved my marriage. I live happily with my husband of 31 years and we have an active and satisfying sex life. I know how I got from where we were when we were on the verge of divorce to where we are today. And I know that if either of us had lashed out at the other anywhere along the way, we would have been divorced like so many others. Marriage is about getting along; not getting even.
I'm sure that's said with tongue in cheek. But I have commented before about the nasty tone that many of the people giving advice on this board have. It seems that nothing less than an certifiable emotional breakdown, or attempted suicide on the part of the unhappy WAW will satisfy the group.
You say that you are helping people save their marriages by advising them to kick the wife out, pack up her possessions, keep the kids away from her, withhold money, withhold help with problems, etc. Then when the wife files for divorce and sees it through, you walk away with a self-satisfied, "Well, you did all you could! After all, you were lovingly detached!"
Mind reading
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
WOW, I think from reading the last 2 pages, men and women look at these situations differently. Lotus I am glad you saved your M, but when men are treated like dirt, other men see this, and say put your foot down. I am not here to judge anyone, the LBS or the WAW or WAH, but again as I have posted before I have used this site for over 10 years, 2 M's and separations in both M's.
I will have to say that most of what these vets say, is the right way to handle situations, again not always to save M, everyone has a different spouse, sitch and marital universe. But the advice given is to make the LBS stay focused and not wallow in misery to be the one left behind to be a potential suicide I have been in law enforcement for 8 years and have seen my fair share of domestic problems, M problems and child custody issues.
If someone bails on the M, and a LBS feels they are sincere about repairing it, and it is overlooked by the WA's then the LBS needs to stand up and not put up with manipulation, waffling or downright disrespect. My opinion for now my battery is about to die.
Steve - I know that wasn't the reason. I'm aware of what it was. Yeah, it was her girlfriend, I talked to her about it. Classes start probably in the next 2-3 weeks I would think. I haven't heard of her doing anything working towards taking them though, so I have no idea if she'll actually do it. She never got any of her crap done for it.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
