Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

Get her to pursue you. You are doing all the pursuing.

Have plans you can't break next time she calls and wants you to come over. Seems to me she only "hurts" is when she is lonely and needs her @$$ rubbed.

She's the one calling me and suggesting/hinting at things to do together (isn't that her covertly pursuing me??). I NEVER initiate calls, txt or email to her. So you suggest I pull back more by rejecting some of the invites and being less available? Like RobX suggested to make her miss me more? It seems like she misses me from these calls and hints? But if she misses me more maybe she would do more work at her end to fix the R?

And stop the compliments? I thought the compliments were part of the wooing love affirmations and the "bad pursuing" was pursuing re: the R? I thought you complimented Greek (I saw some of those on another thread?). What's YOUR view on this whole love bucket thing?

On way out, she said something about she needed to give her baby some hugs and kisses since she was going to work, and I said what about D2? She said 'stop it' again and gave some hugs and a kiss to our little one then gave me a hug and left for work.

You need to be the first one to leave. She needs to see that you have other things to attend to.

Oh sorry I was unclear here. We left at same time. This was in the parking lot and I was on the way way to my car, Hers just happened to be parked closer to restaurant. Next time I'll leave earlier. "Gotta go hon, hot date at 2, ciao"

Are you getting what you want?

This is actually the guts of what I'm asking, and I don't think the answer is quite as clear as you imply. In the here and now, obviously no because ideally I'd want us to be jumping each other's bones and she'd be all in for MC and talking about moving her stuff back in the house. On the other hand, DR talks about patience, patience, patience and incremental steps towards reconciliation and stuff like 1 month of work for every year of marriage as potentially being needed to bust the divorce (6 months in my sitch)? So, in that light, maybe what "I want" is an unrealistic goal/expectation RIGHT NOW?

If her being warmer is part of a progression towards opening up and trusting me, then yes, maybe I am getting what I want. If it's her putting me in friend category or spinning her wheels to feel good in the short term still separated and not really doing any work, then it's clearly not. Consider that this is the first time we've had a meal together since 2008 where she referred to it as being "me and her" eating out (with our little one in tow) rather than as the family eating out (we didn't get a babysitter once over the last 2 years and have no family in the area). And she also outright REFUSED to even have lunch out with me from Jan. 2010 until today. Her being COMFORTABLE having ANY 1-on-1 time with me (not even sexual, not even attracted, just being COMFORTABLE with ANY 1-on-1 time) was one of the DR "taking stock" baby step goals that I wrote down in late June. I think we are there now (finally). I'm telling you -- our R was/is @$$ broke.