Just wanted to point out that "co-dependance" is NOT a problem in a good relationship where one hand washes the other.
Ya reckon?
From quick wikipedia search: Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life.
It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.
Codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking. For example parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could nevertheless still be codependent towards their own children if the care taking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.
Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.
Codependency is never OK on this life journey. You can't have a "healthy" marriage if one or both of you is coodependent. In a relationship we are two individuals living as a team - not two individuals settling for less than our optimal life outcomes so we can caretake or control each other.
We are born alone and we die alone. Somewhere along the path, we need to learn to be alone and to look after and love ourselves rather than trying to get that sense of belonging and fulfilment from our marriage partner.
So the definition of co-dependancy is not what I meant.
You used the word "team", and that is what I was meaning. We depend on each other, and we are in this union because we want to be. We believe it is an asset for us to be closely paired and bonded together.
At times I will put my partners needs above my own, because I know at times they also do this for me.
This is what most of us would believe is ideal.
What we are forced to do in a LBS/WAS situation, is to fall back into a single person relationship format where each person completely fends for themself, they are completely independant of each other, and even have to defend against each other perhaps more than even a complete stranger.
My opinion is also of the form that the maritial partner should tend to validate you, than to invalidate you. I don't think there is nothing wrong with looking to the maritial partner for a "positive mirror", especially if you are doing well.
