I will probably get there, some day. I know that X is disappointed that I am not more like his gf's X...he can tolerate being around the new couple when it has to do with the kids. Then again, even when the whole affair burst, he said that he had always thought x was a good guy. He didn't seem to have the level of anger that I had, even at the beginning. This is also the guy who moved 5 hours away and sees his kids minimally (said it was just too hard to have it in his face all the time), and left his 4 girls to my x to help raise. I don't get that, either.
**** Thinking about this, I remember all of us being together so often. I think that is what is making this so hard...
Ugh, I guess like this whole thing, time will tell.
i would like to add an addendum to what I believe to be a very true post OT
forgiveness also doesn't mean what they did was right
I have forgiven my exes for being the kind of idiots they were, well, because, they weren't very evolved people
I am better than they are (bear with me here...it helps the forgiveness train rolling) I wouldn't be angry at a toddler for forever for spilling grape juice...I would remember they did, they would get a sippy cup next time, and probably apple juice because it doesn't stain but i wouldn't take it personally
being able to forgive means letting go of the "personally" part
this week we had court for Cori's daughter. His ex wants her back because everyone in her family is unemployed and she needs child support, so she took her, again, and filed false charges of abuse against us. I had to sit in the hallway and listen to her family call me a b*tch and a bad mom and all sorts of things while I waited for 4 hours before I had to testify. It was grueling AND while I don't want them for my friends, I had to look at them and feel sorry because: #1 they OBVIOUSLY don't know what truth, honesty and love are #2 they are trash #3 they are unemployed trash #4 they have bad dye jobs #5 they have really bad fashion sense (which should negate custody IMMEDIATELY #6 their intelligence level is lacking
I could go on and on
it was annoying and obnoxious but in the end it wasn't about me
it was about what they lack it was about their jealousy
(although...truth be told, methed out mom is skinnier than me...siiiiiiigh)
hopefully the truth will win out here (I mean, part of her argument was that I fed the kids mass produced meals instead of making my own food...CLEARLY a lie)
but
your ex and his choice of companion isn't about you it is about what they lack what they are missing in life
What do you think it is about ME that springs up visions of doing bodily harm to her when I come in contact? Why am I REACTING as if she, in particular, is my enemy?
Figgy - You sat there, with them calling you names, and felt compassion and not anger or wanting to lash out or have them simply disappear? I don't deal with them and I wish they would disappear!!
nope doesn't matter that she tested postive on drugs before or attempted suicide twice (once with her daughter in the other room)
I think NE courts are f'ed up!!!
Donna... I think you are reacting that way because you feel like you were attacked by her
so you go on the defensive ready to protect yourself
look at her with pity (well that works for me anyway)
like what a poor sad sack stuck with your left over garbage she couldn't even go get something of her own but had to take your cast offs (even if you felt like you might not have been done with him yet) and there is her morality to consider don't want to be her at the pearly gates, you know
she felt so badly abou ther life that she had to try to snatch onto the threads of yours
It probably didn't help my perceptions when she came out of her house laughing in my face, telling me I was so blind, when I confronted her the day I discovered the affair. Or how she let me literally cry on her shoulder, her wishing she could do something to save my marriage, while she was sleeping with him.
Crap - all victim sh!t, I know. So sick of the story.
But it is underlying, there.
Do I see myself as better than her? Honestly, yes. Do I feel sorry for her? No...that would probably be a better mind set, but it's not where my mind goes. I do feel sorry for my X. And I know that we have talked a lot about my double-standard in that regard. To death.
Something primitive, primal, in me flashes Danger signals when it comes to her. I still loath her being around my kids - corrupt, immoral, stupid, sadistic, manipulative...I had seen how she dealt with her own kids for a dozen years, and don't want any of that directed towards mine. I don't want her to influence them in any way. Part of my characterization of her is from her treatment towards me, but it is also from what I observed in her treatment to her own children.
Blech.......trying to get the focus back on me - the above is so other-based, but also background information.
